Change


“Change is good.”

“Change is growth.”

“Change always comes bearing gifts.”

“If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.”

So, OK.  These are the quotes I found when I googled “change”.’

I didn’t find a single quote that said, “Change sucks!  I hate it!”,  but that’s pretty much what I am feeling these days.

My closest work friend is retiring in four weeks.   She was among the group of people who interviewed me for my job 16 years ago. She’s the school counselor, and you can believe me when I tell you that she certainly has counseled me.  Her kids are about 8 years ahead of mine; one girl, two boys, just like us.  Her advice about parenting, sibling relationships and discipline were so profound that I still think my kids should call her “Momma two”.

At work, she has been my constant ally, my sounding board, my source of support and feedback.  After every special education meeting, for twelve years, she and I put our heads together to “debrief”.   She has been my anchor, she has kept me true to myself as an educator and as a mother.  She’s been my friend, in every sense of the word.

So what will my world be like when I won’t have her to share my frustrations, my joys, and my little daily triumphs?

Change is growth, growth is change.

I am growing lonelier.  I am growing more isolated.  I feel myself becoming marginalized and set aside as a newer, younger crew of teachers comes in.  I am growing rudderless and lost.

I. Do. Not. Like. Change.

4 thoughts on “Change

  1. You become that person your friend was to you for a younger teacher. I kind of get the impression you already have. Don’t take this wrong, because I mean it in the most reverent way, but with her retirement, you become “the elder” (something we don’t always honor in this society, but your family certainly does!).

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  2. Thanks, Auntie T,
    I am trying to look at it that way. Its been a funny process, sort of moving into the slower lane at work. That has its pros and cons, you know? I worry less than my younger colleagues, and I can roll with the political shifts more easily. I hope I’m being a good mentor to the youngsters, especially considering that one of them is my daughter!

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    • I’m moving into a similar role at work and it is very disconcerting at times. I’ve made a conscious decision that I want to “just work.” I don’t aspire to promotions (and more politics and grief) and taking on more work by managing more people. I’m pretty happy being a mentor and team member. I’m finally at a point that I leave work and go home and don’t think about work again until I’m back at it (I don’t even check my work email at home anymore! — Just occasionally if an event is happening). You described it perfectly. It does feel like moving into the slow lane and I see my colleagues speeding by and it’s hard to take sometimes. But, at the end of the day, I’m far more content with my personal life and it’s the part of my life I want to nurture more now. I will always work hard and be dedicated. I just will be reluctant to take on additional responsibilities.

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