Like glass


 

Sometimes I feel like I am made of glass.  Clear, clean, smudge free glass.

You see, I have noticed lately that I am invisible.

I can sit in my classroom, correcting papers at a table filled with fifth graders, and yet they forget that I am there.  I learn a lot about what they think, what they like, WHO they like, what they fear and what they wish.  I am there, but not seen.

Lately I have noticed that this phenomenon is happening more and more, wherever I go.  I can cook a meal, serve it and clean it up, then simply disappear like a phantom vapor so that the diner can settle down with paperwork.

I can ask in what used to be my usual outspoken way for help, or support, or companionship.  And somehow, in this new world, my words make no sound.

I feel like glass.

I feel as fragile as a glass vase, as breakable as a glass slipper.

I miss my old loud, visible self. I miss the smudges and smears, the substance of myself. I miss the days when I was really truly there, and no one simply walked past without seeing me.

 

11 thoughts on “Like glass

  1. I don’t know how old you are, but I noticed the same phenomenon when I was in my fifties. I simply became invisible. In my sixties, I now feel that I am now more visible again. Go figure…?

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  2. Really??
    Thank you!! I am almost 56, and part of my invisibility is around my upcoming birthday, I think. What a whiny old lady I am becoming!
    Thanks for making me feel heard, if not seen!

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  3. This is also one of the extremes in my life. Either everyone is looking for me, needing something, wanting to talk or I’m invisible. Sometimes I don’t know what’s worse. I think I would like to be somewhere in-between or at least have the ability to decide which one I would like to be. Alas that is something the universe has control over not me. I really enjoyed your post. Once I’ve got this next essay in the bag I want to pop back and read more. You sound like a lady I can relate to. 😉

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    • Thanks for reading, and for your comment. I know EXACTLY what you mean! I am invisible until the moment when something is needed, then I temporarily gain substance. But you are so right; it is not under our control to decide how we are seen, only how we react. Clearly, I have been reacting with a pout!

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