I rarely write two posts in two days, and I rarely write with humor, but today is just too funny to miss.   Plus, this blog is my therapy, right? Trust me, right now its either a Valium or a post.  I have to drive in a few minutes, so here goes.

My school does an annual auction as a fund raiser.  Teachers donate special events or little treats for the kids and parents pay way too much for them.  Today four fifth grade girls are coming to school to cash in on my auction donation of “Bread Baking Fun!”  Last night (which was Friday night….just sayin’) I loaded my car with flour, sugar, salt, yeast, eggs, oil, butter, milk, pots, pans, bowls, spoons, potholders, paper towels and juiceboxes.  I ran through my mental checklist before bed, and thought I had everything set to go.

At 3 AM I woke up with the realization that the one room in the school with an oven will probably be locked on a Saturday! Panic hit and hung around until about 5 AM, when I fell back to sleep for a bit.

I got up early today so that I could color my hair and shower, then do some laundry before the plumber got here. Yup. The plumber.  It can’t be a good thing when the plumber has been called, and it wasn’t.

See, the other night I was in my bathroom.  I, ah, did what a person does there, and then turned to wash my hands.  Out of the corner of my eye, I thought that I saw something fall off of the shelf above the toilet (seriously; whose idea was that shelf?! It teeters! Stuff is constantly falling off!).  I investigated (eeew) but couldn’t find anything, so I forgot about it.

Until yesterday, when the water flowing out of said toilet slowed to a crawl and started to just swirl around happily rather than actually exiting the premises.  Hence: a plumber call.

Cut to 9 AM this morning.  I am texting everyone I can think of to figure out how to get into the oven room at school.  No dice.  The plumber arrives, tinkers around for a bit, and then says that he has to “remove the toilet” to check for the possible, but not definitely there, fallen object.  He promises to put it back.

9:15, I am outside, beautifying my garden, of which I am inordinately proud.  The plumber calls to Paul and I. “Hey! Can I show ya something?”   In we go, to find item #1: A slime covered silver dollar which has obviously been residing in the pipe for years. (EEEEEEWW!)  #2: The toilet screws were so rusted that they broke and the toilet is now in two pieces.   Seems he’ll have to come back in two days to put in a replacement.  Meanwhile, apparently NOTHING ever fell off the shelf and he isn’t sure why the water was so sluggish. (!!??!)  This information will now cost us several hundred dollars.  And I need to get my eyes checked.

Meanwhile, I am still calling, texting and desperately searching for a way into the kitchen. No one seems to know if my specially designed computer chip “IntelliKey” will open the door. I’ll just have to drive the 35 miles to school and find out!

AND, tomorrow is Mother’s Day.  All three kids will be here, so we will have five adults sharing the house with one working toilet.

And this is what my garden looks like:

My garden….so very, very lovely.