Well, my goodness. This whole blogging thing can certainly lead a person to delusions of grandeur.
A while ago I posted a piece about how I wanted to come back in my next life as a duck, so that everything would just roll off my back. I thought it was a mildly amusing little thing, but mostly I wrote it that night because I was feeling a little down. It was therapy! Since I have been trying to jazz things up a bit here on Postdepartum, I looked for some images to insert. I picked a nice, generic, not-trademarked picture of a mallard, and I put it into the post. Clicked on ‘publish’ and that was that.
A week or so after that, I pulled together a few of what I think are my better posts about the empty nest, and I sent them with a query letter to a few literary agents. I know, I know, delusions of grandeur for sure! But I did it after being urged to try it out, to see if I could get published. A couple of friends suggested it, and my blogging friend, Embattled Farmers, gave me a nudge. So I sent out the queries.
Well.
Please tell me that you guys check your stats, too. I try not to check them too often (is every five minutes too often?) Usually, I just look, see that I have 20 hits for the day, and call it done. But about five or six days ago, I noticed that I was getting closer to 80 hits a day.
Yay, me!!! They like me, they really like me!!! After I stopped skipping around the living room, I checked to see what posts they liked so much. Huh. 70 out of 80 hits were on “I want to be a duck”. I wondered why?
Over the next couple of days, the hits kept climbing, over 80! Over 90! 120! 150! Oh, my goodness! Could it be that, perhaps, one or two of those literary agents were impressed with my wit and wisdom, and were out there reading my blog?! I could practically see that Pulitzer Prize!!!!
Funny thing, though; it seemed like almost every hit was on that duck post. When I checked the search terms, I saw “duck”, “duck photo”, “duck image” and “mallard”. Odd…… I figured that I would have to use a duck image as the cover of my book when it came out.
And, hey! Look at that! People are reading my blog all around the world! France! Germany! Saudi Arabia! Malawi….? Really?
Finally, I got suspicious. Or, as my fifth grade teacher used to say, “Light dawned on marble head.”
I finally googled “duck image”.
Holy Cow. I mean, holy duck! Off to the right, where the featured image is kept, I saw my mallard image, and it was titled, momshieb.wordpress.com
Gulp! All those people were out there in Thailand and Uganda just trying to find a nice duck photo, and they were stumbling on my blog! No agent, no book, no instant fame and fortune.
Just a huge belly laugh at myself, and a golden opportunity to hop on here and tell all (5) of you about my swelled head!
Kindly note: there is no image in this post!!
Happy Fourth of July, everyone!
Empty Nest, Full Life 
Love this, made me smile on this beautiful morning!
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Yay! I made you smile! That’s a step on my road to glory….I mean, “that’s what I was hoping to do!”
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How funny. I hope the publishing works out. Be proud, you took the first step. And be proud of your high stats (duck related) too!!
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Oh, I don’t know how proud to be of either one, but thanks! Its just so funny how quickly I can let myself get sucked into the whole thing! It was a good laugh, it really was!
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That is pretty funny!!! I have lots of pictures on my posts about popular culture, so imagine inserting a picture of One Direction in a post!!!! I’m doubting that the kids who were looking for these pics actually read my blog. But I had those moments as well of wow, they love me. Then, oops.
And then there is the on-going issue of the leopard print bra post. I very intentionally posted a picture of a bra on it’s own, no girl. When I check my stats (embarrassingly often as well), I find search terms like “cute autistic g–ls in leopard print bras”. Other shockers “my little ponies having s#x” and “pretty te*n g–ls reading her school assignment without wearing any pants at all”. All sorts of creepy search terms, and it totally freaks me out to think that some creep may read my blog and think about autistic g–ls.
Anybody know whether using the modified words will prevent creepy folks from finding me? Or maybe I should insert “duck” – at least then the folks who happen upon me will be nice!!!!
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Oh, man! I had no idea that inserting pictures would lead to search hits….I am such a dope about all things tech!
From now on, I am only uploading photos that I have taken myself!
Creep city!
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Good for you for taking the next step with your writing! As for search terms – mine today included “sex boobs” and “sex in car worry.” I decided to do what you did and searched on “sex in car worry” and my post http://worrywarts-guide-to-weight-sex-and-marriage.com/category/letting-go/ (I included it here because 1) it has nothing to do with “sex in car worry” and 2) I think it’s one you would really relate to) was six pages in on Google!
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Oh, no!!! This is just hilarious! I think we should all try to get traffic by putting crazy sh@%* in our posts! We could have some really great laughs……!
Now, how can I work the words “donkey” and “bikini” into a post……
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I think you just did. Can’t wait to hear what your search terms for this post end up being.
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“sex and chococolate” is usually a good bet (covers all bases). Very effective when slipped into a conversation in a crowed room, so should probably work well on the web.
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Nice! I will try it…..watch for the MOST interesting post….!
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come for the duck, stay for the excellent blog.
Hope you get more readers off of this, it really is an excellent blog!
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Aw, thanks! I just can’t stop laughing at the image of someone across the world looking up “duck” just to get a photo for a report or a birthday card, and stumbling on my site! This is just such a hoot!
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This is very funny, but it takes nothing away from the beauty and brilliance of your writing. The work is outstanding whether on a given day it’s read by 10 or 10,000 people.
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Oh, now you see why I have delusions of grandeur?! Stop! You’re feeding my insanity….
Truly, thank you so much for your encouragement. You did give me the nudge that I needed to send out those queries, and I will keep sending them because you just never know!
Thank you!!!
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someone who knows about this stuff told me that publishers look at blog stats as a factor in whether to publish…….but she didn’t think that artificially inflating my stats with image search terms would help much, I need real readers!!! Some of the other search terms that have gotten a lot of inadvertent hits are Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber, and….smiley face. I used a smiley face logo in a blog, and there are almost as many hits for smiley face as there are for the pic of One Direction!!!
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This is just so confusing and funny! I know that sometimes my writing gets a bit self-conscious, and I start to “hear” myself, instead of just writing. I can just imagine myself now, trying to studiously avoid using words like “sex” or “illicit” or posting images of smiley faces……!
Time to revert back to the day when my Mom and I were the only ones reading and it was all nice and simple and true!
On the other hand….there’s a book in here somewhere……!
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So funny and totally something I would think. Your writing is excellent. You deserve whatever success comes your way. It will find you.
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Thank you! I am finding that I feel great success already, having connected with so many really wonderful writers and kindred spirits out in the blogosphere. So happy that you and I have found each other!
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