A tantrum


Oh, every time I think that I am past my post departum depression, something happens to remind me just how much I still miss those Mommy days!

I walked into a clothing store this morning, looking for some end-of-summer sales.  As I came through the door and into the brightly lit entryway, I immediately heard the sound of a child in the throes of a major tantrum. A little child.

The voice was raspy, with the sub-sub-subbing breath of someone who has been crying for a while.  As I walked past the stroller, where a red-faced Mom was trying to calm the outburst, I peeked in to see the culprit.  He was a little boy, about three years old, with golden hair in sticky fingered disarray.  His eyes were big and bright and very, very wet.

I walked past the anxious Momma and her boy, heading for a rack of marked down skirts and dresses. As I passed, my eyes met those of another slightly older woman, and we exchanged bemused smiles.  “Brings back memories!”, I said cheerfully, and she laughed.

And that’s the problem: it did.

The little boy began to cry again, calling, “Mommy!  Noooo!  Stop, Mommy, stop!” He sounded both exhausted and overwhelmed; it was clear that he had lost all control, and was going to have to just cry himself out.

He sounded exactly like my middle child at the same age.  The husky voice and golden hair, the big eyes and sweet face.  All I could think of was my little boy.  My golden baby, who turns 22 years old tomorrow.

As crazy as it sounds, as crazy as it is, I wish I could hear him having a tantrum one more time.  I wish I could be the Mommy who would hold and comfort that little sob wracked body once the storm had passed.

I’m hopeless!

21 thoughts on “A tantrum

  1. We have to enjoy it all as moms — the good and the bad — because it all goes by so fast. I wish I could have one more evening with my son having his bottle in the rocking chair while I sing him show tunes. I think he always fell asleep quickly so he wouldn’t have to hear too much of my singing.

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  2. Oh, you’re not hopeless. It just shows all the love you carry in your heart and all the wonderful memories you have. It’s nice that you can miss even those moments.

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  3. First of all, beautifully written (made me cry).
    Second, yep, you’ve got it bad if you’re missing a tantrum (perhaps you need a 16 and a half year old to move in OR better yet a trip to Disneyland).
    Third, you will be the best grandma ever!
    Until then – get on with your beautiful writing.

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  4. I am eternally lonely for my infant children at the grocery store, their wide eyed fascination and happy ramblings made each outing an adventure. Occasionally I still sway side to side, soothing an infant no longer on my hip.

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    • I know. I try not to walk down the baby products aisle. These next couple of weeks will be hard, looking at all the “back to school” items and little snack packs.
      Thanks for making me feel less pitiful and more like one of a crowd!

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  5. Maybe one day you’ll have grandkids, and you can comfort the little stinkers while your kids get some of that much-needed alone time. So they can blog about their little stinkers. 🙂 It was so sweet how you smiled at & spoke to the mom so she wouldn’t feel judged.

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    • I was SO in her shoes at one time! Really….. there was the time when my oldest was screaming, “Mommy! NO, don’t hurt me again!” because the last time I buckled her into her car seat the clasp pinched her leg…sigh.
      Hoping and praying for those grandchildren, believe me. I plan to spoil them rotten and hand them back to their parents…….

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      • Usually spoiling by the grandparents is worth an afternoon relaxing without the kids. And then – absence makes the heart grow fonder – I am so much better able to appreciate them.

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