I am writing this letter on behalf of every single American, in every large city, in every tiny village. I am writing on behalf of the millions who work hard every day, and come home weary every night. I am writing, too, for those who spend all day at home with kids, and those who are retired and attempting to enjoy their golden years. I raise my pen in the service of those who have no jobs, those who have three jobs and those who are seeking knowledge on college campuses across this great nation.
Dear Candidates and Co.,
We are tired. REALLY kind of exhausted. We need a little break.
Please, we beg you: Please, please hear our desperate plea.
ENOUGH already with the endless campaign ads.
We’re just trying to watch Jeopardy, for goodness sake! We don’t need to see 12 ads in a half hour. No, I am NOT exaggerating. Twelve ads in thirty minutes. From two candidates who are running for Senate and two running for President!!! Two parties…twelve ads!
Twelve spots featuring scary music, black and white grainy photos of various actors trying to look worried. Twelve breathless, amazed, horrified voices telling us that life as we know it will end, end, end, I tell you!! if he/she/they get elected.
We know, already!!! We’re not idiots. You’ve been flooding the airwaves for months now! We know, we know! If he gets elected, he is going to bankrupt medicaid and leave Grandma destitute! But if he wins, he is going to end Planned Parenthood and prevent needy women from getting healthcare! We know who is going to ship our jobs overseas. We know who wants to raise our taxes and leave our children shoeless and starving! We know who is secretly trying to turn us into (gasp) Europe.
We’ve heard it all. Over and over and over, to the point of extreme nausea. We’ve had it.
Dear Candidates and surrogates and advisors and pundits and spokespeople,
If you don’t give us a little bit of peace and quiet, and stop your bickering, sniping and mud slinging, we might all just get mad enough to do something really rash and desperate.
We might just decide to rebel and cast our votes for one of the other parties on the ballot.
Thank you for listening,
your weary and fed up constituents