Why I will never be thin. Ever.


I am a pretty healthy eater, over all.

I love my fruits and veggies.  I only buy locally raised, organic meats and eggs.   I love whole grains.

It’s just that I am struggling to keep my mood upbeat, you know? Life can be stressful, and its easy to feel overwhelmed.  Sometimes the combined pressures of home and work make me feel as if my life is careening out of control.  I feel like I am just buffeted by the winds of the world, and that I bounce back and forth between demands on all sides.

And when I feel like that, I find that I can’t sleep.  I am awake for hours, worrying about all the things that are happening without any input from me. My heart thumps, my mouth goes dry, and I lie awake as rigid as a board.

And when I get up in the morning, after a night of worrying about everything from a nuclear Iran to the new math standards, I find that I am irritable and short tempered the whole next day.  I snap at poor Paul, I yell at the news, I grumble at the dogs. If I’m at school, I am snippy with the kids.

This is not good.  Not at all.   So what’s a cranky, middle aged lady to do?

Today I tried the usual mood lifters.  I went on the elliptical for a half hour.      Ended up crabby and sore.

I soaked in the hot tub. Now I was crabby, sore and hot.

I took a long walk with the dogs and Paul out in the back woods, in the fresh spring air.  You guessed it, crabby, sore, hot and covered in pine needles.

I don’t want to turn to a glass of wine; that is a slippery slope that I’d rather avoid! When it comes to altering moods, a drink feels like a very bad idea.

So what could I do?  I had no choice.  It was noon on Sunday, with a very busy, very stressful week looming ahead.

I did what any crabby old Italian lady would do.

I baked.

Lemon Buttermilk Cake.I will NEVER be thin.

Lemon Buttermilk Cake.
I will NEVER be thin.

Sigh.

This is why I will never be thin.  But at least when it cools,  I might be more cheerful!

39 thoughts on “Why I will never be thin. Ever.

  1. I feel your pain. I try to remember that no matter how I feel, it’s a choice. I can say that this makes me angry and that makes me angry, but deep down I am intelligent enough to know that it’s my perception of what I see or do that makes me angry, and that’s a choice. When I get into a bad mood, as quickly as possible I do something else that makes me happy (listen to music, watch a comedy, etc) anything that makes me feel even a little bit happier. No matter what, however, it’s my choice how I feel.

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  2. This looks soooo good. As for weight, try Finn Crisps. I like the ones in the red box, not the yellow box. There was a story in the NYT about this weight loss guru who charges $10,000 for 10 sessions, and she tells her clients to eat at least four Finn Crisps a day. I assume there’s more to it, but I don’t have the 10 grand to find out.

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    • Finn crisps?
      As a former speech therapist, this makes me laugh! “I need to be fin, so I want some Finn Crisps.”
      But I’ll try them!
      Of course, in my world, I’d probably have to dunk them in Nutella or something…….

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    • YOU have the right idea!! I did share the cake, and got many accolades…so, naturally, I will be trying the “Bourbon Butterscotch pudding” and the “Fallen chocolate cake” in the next week.
      Urp.

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  3. I’ve been a worrier for decades at the expense of many nights’ sleep, but this past few months I decided to make some important changes. I’m trying more and more to live in the now. The things we worry about are things that haven’t happened or they’re things that have become so distorted by our troubled minds that they don’t even resemble reality at all. But we assume they are reality just because we’re thinking them. You have to stop that. You can always manufacture scenarios, most of which will never ever happen. I’ve been reading about how poor sleeping habits can seriously affect one’s health and so it’s become a goal of mine to eat better, but to also sleep better. Hang in there!

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    • Thank you! You are so very right, about all of it. The odd thing is that by day, I really do manage to live in the moment, and I am a relatively serene person as I move about by day. At night, though, I am sometimes attacked by crazy gremlins who blow every little thing up into a giant ball of worry.
      I think that my worries may lie dormant in the sunlight, and creep up at night. I need to exercise more, eat more lightly in the later parts of the day, and get a less stressful job. In that order…..

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      • Yes, night-time, when the world is still, the thoughts will come. There’s the challenge then to put them all aside. Keep at it, dear. You will overcome the thoughts. The thoughts are not you and they aren’t reality – remember that.

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  4. Sigh! I’m right there with you, Momsheib! I finally packed up for huge bags of some very expensive suits (3 sizes too small) to send to Goodwill. I finally faced the fact that I’ll never see that size again. . .(sob, sob, sob). Can I have a piece of that care, please?

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    • What was it that Elyse said?
      Something like, “Thin will never feel as good as that cake tastes!”
      New clothes are a good thing, my friend!!
      (That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it….!)

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