I don’t know why I am writing this right now, except that I feel a desperate need to connect to other human being right at this moment.
I am glued to the TV, as I have been since the bombs went off on Monday afternoon.
I woke up to the news that my daughter, my first born, my baby child, is on lock down at her apartment in Watertown, Mass. She heard the shots and the grenades last night. While I slept, she and her boyfriend were lying awake, listening to the sounds of sirens.
This is closer than I ever, ever want one of my dear ones to be to danger.
I am swirling with emotions. I will try to write some down quickly. Please excuse my lack of coherence.
I am so incredibly angry that any human being would think that they have the right to murder another. I am enraged at the thought of those people who are dead and wounded. I close my eyes and I see the sweet, sweet face of little Martin. Butchered. Why?!
I am so afraid! My child, my good, kind, loving girl is in danger right this minute. Her street is full of police. She can’t open her door, or leave her house, or walk her dog. She’s done nothing wrong! She is a teacher, a writer, a political activist. I close my eyes and I see her face as a baby, as a toddler. I see her eyes, sparkling with humor. I see my arms closing around her and holding her to my heart.
I am so very, very sad. What is wrong with the world, with our species? Those two boys, growing up in a country torn by war, seemed to be “nice, normal boys”. That’s what their friends and neighbors and family are saying. How did evil take root inside of them? I am so incredibly sad when I look at the picture of the 19 year old boy, still a child himself, hiding somewhere and being hunted down by hundreds, thousands of angry, armed men. I close my eyes and I see an image of him as a little boy, brought to safety by his parents. I see him wide eyed and smiling, adjusting to life in a new land. I’m so sad thinking of two more lost lives.
I don’t understand humans at all. I’m not sure what I think about God, but it is days like this that make me wonder, if he really is up there watching, why doesn’t he drop by and give us a hand?