So sad. So scared.

/ momshieb

I don’t know why I am writing this right now, except that I feel a desperate need to connect to other human being right at this moment.

I am glued to the TV, as I have been since the bombs went off on Monday afternoon.

I woke up to the news that my daughter, my first born, my baby child, is on lock down at her apartment in Watertown, Mass.  She heard the shots and the grenades last night. While I slept, she and her boyfriend were lying awake, listening to the sounds of sirens.

This is closer than I ever, ever want one of my dear ones to be to danger.

I am swirling with emotions. I will try to write some down quickly. Please excuse my lack of coherence.

I am so incredibly angry that any human being would think that they have the right to murder another.  I am enraged at the thought of those people who are dead and wounded. I close my eyes and I see the sweet, sweet face of little Martin.  Butchered.  Why?!

I am so afraid!  My child, my good, kind, loving girl is in danger right this minute.  Her street is full of police.  She can’t open her door, or leave her house, or walk her dog.  She’s done nothing wrong! She is a teacher, a writer, a political activist.  I close my eyes and I see her face as a baby, as a toddler.  I see her eyes, sparkling with humor. I see my arms closing around her and holding her to my heart.

I am so very, very sad.  What is wrong with the world, with our species? Those two boys, growing up in a country torn by war, seemed to be “nice, normal boys”.  That’s what their friends and neighbors and family are saying.  How did evil take root inside of them?  I am so incredibly sad when I look at the picture of the 19 year old boy, still a child himself, hiding somewhere and being hunted down by hundreds, thousands of angry, armed men.  I close my eyes and I see an image of him as a little boy, brought to safety by his parents.  I see him wide eyed and smiling, adjusting to life in a new land.  I’m so sad thinking of two more lost lives.

I don’t understand humans at all.  I’m not sure what I think about God, but it is days like this that make me wonder, if he really is up there watching, why doesn’t he drop by and give us a hand?

I want to hold her like this again.

I want to hold her like this again.

42 thoughts on “So sad. So scared.”

    • Thank you. So surreal. I can’t believe that I am out here in calm, quiet Central Mass while friends and family are in danger.
      I think the whole world needs some karma; I will do what I can to spread your good thoughts!

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  3. When they are small we think we can actually keep them safe. We feel powerful. Things like this show us that we really have no control at all. I cannot imagine the extent of the fear and anger that you must be feeling. I will hope and pray for you and your family, for your own personal peace and safety. I will also pray for the others. It is really the only thing any of us can do. May this day find resolution…at least to this situation. Take care.

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    • Thank you! I keep thinking, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
      I can’t imagine the horror and sadness of the parents of those two young men. Prayers needed all around today.

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  5. Moms, I’ve been thinking about you all morning, sending you good thoughts and wishes. Now they’re going out to your daughter and her boyfriend, their neighbors. Oh you know, the whole area.

    I want him alive too. I want to know why. That’s an answer we so rarely get.

    Stay safe to my fellow New Englanders.
    Elyse

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  6. I too am feeling the sadness. I look at my dear children, daughters and granddaughters, sons and grandsons, and wonder what is wrong with the world? Why do so many people feel the need to lash out and hurt someone? The ones that are hurt the most are innocent children who haven`t yet had a chance to live their lives. I don`t understand.

    Very sad, very scared Grandma.

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    • Mamma, I felt Grampa right beside me this morning, telling me he is “on duty”. Kate felt him, too.
      The good in the world far, far outweighs the bad. We have to hold on to that. I love you!!

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  13. These are indeed terrible times. I, along with most others, just hope that this killing is over now, that justice will begin its slow work and, maybe that a people can start healing again.
    Your words are a beautiful start to what should happen now.

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    • Thank you.
      This is the most terrifying day of my life; my daughter is less than a mile from where they seem to have the suspect pinned down.
      How do things like this happen?

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  17. I’m glad Kate is safe. I hope the whole family has a wonderful weekend, as I’m sure everyone in Boston will. I don’t share your compassion for the Tsarnaev brothers. We gave them political asylum, Section 8 housing aid, scholarships, etc., and this is how they repay us?
    Great picture of you and Kate!

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    • Thank you! That was an experience that I hope to NEVER repeat. Still, we all know how lucky we are that on this beautiful spring day, for us life is back to ‘normal’.

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  19. Again, I’m so thrilled your daughter and family were okay. I know that must have been a horrible day for you, them and everyone not knowing about explosives or more. I sat glued to the news (though Twitter and scanners were far more informative) and cited The Serenity Prayer several times. We were a nation united this week–may we stay so.
    Boston’s a pretty awesome city, but mainly because of it’s awesome, its wicked awesome, people.

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    • Thanks for your good wishes!
      I hope Boston can stay wicked awesome, and not descend into wicked racist and Islamaphobe. I wish that the country could stay united without having to have a ‘foreign’ target….

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    • Oi, what a week!!
      My Kate is having a pretty hard time with it all. Everyone I know, literally has had some close connection to this terrible event. But we march on, and we heal. And in the words of little Martin, who died from the bombs, “No more hurting people….peace.”

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