Like all good Americans, I have done my part to maintain the absolute hysteria surrounding the birth of the royal baby.
Of course, I get kind of hysterical about the birth of every baby. I am a sucker for the whole “bringing a brand new life into the world” thing. I love their tiny baby feet, their tiny baby fingers and sweet noses and soft cheeks. I think that Heaven will smell exactly like the tender neck of a newborn child.
But I was extra excited by this baby. This royal little bundle of historical joy. This sweet, tiny creature will most likely one day be the King of England.
Huzzah!! This is, to quote Joe Biden, “a big fuckin’ deal”. So I was riveted by the pageantry as I awaited the royal birth.
Then, once his royal little self was born, and we all got a glimpse of his adorable little royal face, I became one of millions of people the world over who breathlessly awaited news of the baby’s royal name.
I’m a teacher, so I get to hear tons of interesting children’s names. Some are really exotic, some are cutsie, some are liltingly beautiful. Which of the hundreds or thousands of names out there would the charming, young, nonconformist royal couple choose for their firstborn child? Would it be Erik, or Tucker or Cooper or Dante? Maybe Taylor or Jake or Stetson? I couldn’t wait to hear what it would be!!!
You can imagine my disappointment when I heard that the world’s most down-to-earth Princess decided to name her baby George.
As in, the King who lost the New World to those pesky revolutionaries? George? As in, the curious monkey? As in “of the jungle”? As in Bush? Seriously?
Choosing a name is a serious business. Names have power.
I firmly believe that in many cases, our name can shape our destiny.
Do you remember a guy named Rollie Fingers?
He was a pitcher in the major leagues.
There was another pitcher, a bit earlier, named Bill Hand.
I am not making this up.
My husband once knew a guy named Peter Payne. He was a dentist.
Choosing a name is very serious business! If you have a baby girl, you should really steer away from names like “Amber LaBoom”, you know?
And if you are naming a future King of England, I just think you should steer away from the name of the King who has gone down in history as both a nut job and a loser.
I believe that a name can shape a person’s destiny.
If you don’t believe me, just ask Anthony Weiner.