Many years ago, when my first child was a freshman in college (2004, in case you were wondering…..), I learned about a cool new technology called “Facebook”. At the time, it was limited to college students, who used it to connect with classmates. And to find out what was missed when said student accidentally slept through a class.
After a few years, Facebook became a site for high school students, then junior high students, and finally, a place for lonely parents to stalk their almost adult kids.
So I signed up.
What fun! At first I loved having the ability to post my every thought. (“What a long week!!”) I enjoyed sharing every important event in my life. (“Cleaned the bathroom this morning, then made some bread!”) I was privy to every single detail of every single friend. It was so incredibly….intimate.
Most importantly, I was able to silently monitor the social, academic and personal lives of all three of my kids. (“In a relationship” and “Single” were the key posts, but I read everything.)
After a while, I sort of settled into the wonderful world of Facebook, learning to disregard the claims that someone had just won a Pulitzer Prize, laughing at the jokes, and quickly scanning the posts about people’s head colds.
Overall, I’ve enjoyed my time on FB. I’m back in touch with a whole bunch of people from my past, and that is invaluable. I can chat with my old High School friends, and even the kids from elementary school. In spite of my fear of the NSA, I’ve been back in touch with friends in Tunisia, and have been able to learn about the events of the “Arab Spring” and all that has followed. That is amazing and awe inspiring; I get to ask about what is happening from people who are marching in the streets of Tunis. That experience can’t be matched, and I owe it all to Facebook.
But there are a couple of problems with this wonderful social media site. First of all, of course, is the horrible stalking by real and fake advertisers. I mean, seriously? I wrote once before about those horrific Dr. Oz ads (if you want to, you can read that here), but there are zillions of other ads to complain about. Shoes, bags, Masters Degrees, cremation (!), weight loss, jewelry, cosmetic surgery. You name it, I have been its target.
Second of all, those awful posts that appear on my…page? timeline? wall? thingy?….advertising a restaurant or a game or a TV show. Yuck. I don’t like the fact that I have to unlike it, then I have to explain WHY I unliked it. I just want it to go away!
But the main reason why I am kind of all done with the foolishness of FB?
Well, about 4 years ago, one of Kate’s friends wanted to win a contest on Facebook. She needed lots of people to vote for her. Kate talked me into setting up some Facebook accounts for people who weren’t real. So I made a page for my dog, Tucker.
Huhuhuh! How funny is this? I uploaded his picture, made up some information (you know, like “occupation: pet”, “age: 42 in dog years”). I thought I was hilarious. I got him his page, and voted for Kate’s friend, and promptly forgot all about it.
But here’s the problem.
Every single day, for the past three months, I have been getting an email from Facebook. It says, “Tucker, 10 people are waiting to meet you!” or “You have 15 friend requests, Tucker!”
And I want to scream, “No he doesn’t! He’s a damn dog!!! He has no friend requests!”
But no one would hear me, obviously. All I can do is delete the messages. Every day. Every single day. Over and over and over.
I tried to deactivate his account, but wouldn’t you know…….
I forget his password.
Empty Nest, Full Life 
Loved this!
I have never joined Facebook, because many years ago, I was afraid that my son wouldn’t “friend me” — I knew I couldn’t handle the rejection.
But not too long ago, I signed up to vote for a fellow blogger for something or other. (Speaker7 I will never forgive you). I promptly forgot the password, don’t know how to do anything with it and am constantly getting emails from my high school classmates in Montana (or is it Wyoming?) where I never attended classes … or in fact knew any actual people (I do not count the Cheneys as I don’t know them personally and I would rather swallow lye than actually speak to one of them virtually or otherwise).
Do you ever leave ridiculously long rambling comments on someone else’s blog?
Yeah, me too.
Night!
LikeLike
Hahaha! What a great comment, rambling or not! Love the part about the Cheneys….
Thanks for making me feel like less of an idiot. You should see me trying to come up with the damn dog’s password…..
LikeLike
Hmmmm, I wonder what security question you used … place of birth, favorite food … your password is probably “Dinner!”
LikeLike
Believe me, I tried everything! “Treat” “Cookie” “takearide”…..! Kind of funny!
LikeLike
Walkies?
LikeLike
Hahaha!
And I can’t delete his page because I can’t reset the password because I used an old email address……
Maybe “fleabait”?
LikeLike
NoMoreBaths!
RollInTheDead
LikeLike
“yum!Poop!”
LikeLike
“PeeOnTheGoodRug”
“PukeOnTheWhiteCarpet”
LikeLike
deathfart
LikeLike
You win with that one. Or you lose, depending on what room you’re in.
LikeLike
Thanks for the laughs!
LikeLike
And you. I had to sniffle a little bit too, though. Until the fart line. That I don’t miss.
LikeLike
Sorry.
I didn’t think how hard it would be….
hugs from Tucker and Sadie, who you can’t smell through your computer, thankfully.
LikeLike
Writing my blog piece helped immensely. And he was having such a hard time. But it is hard to come home, hard to have no one come up and dribble on my knees. Sniff sniff.
I’m glad I can’t smell Cooper, though. Give those two a scratch from me (but no sniff!)
LikeLike
I sent your post on to a friend who lost her Springer a month ago; and she sends her thanks.
They got themselves a Springer pup last week, so hearts are mending. Still, they will miss their boy for a long time.
Just kissed mine for you. Now I need to brush Tuck’s teeth. (Don’t ask…..yuck.)
LikeLike
Oh my goodness, I am neck deep in Facebook and I don’t know if I can get out! Honestly, sometimes I think you must be reading my mind. I use Facebook to connect to a lot of disability/Down syndrome communities, so I am (reluctantly) staying, but many, many a day I’ve pondered why Facebook keeps telling me to lose weight or go get a business degree in just one year. I think Mr. Zuckerberg should be telling me how awesome I am for participating in his empire. And maybe giving me free cruise tickets or something equally nice…
LikeLike
Really! My feelings exactly!
My brilliant Aunt did tell me how to get rid of the ads, though. Just download Adblock. No more Dr. Oz and the giant woman!
LikeLike