How are you?
(Wait! I don’t actually mean, like, “How are you” because that would imply that I think you aren’t great. Or maybe that I worry that you aren’t so great. Or that I think maybe you’re kind of losing a step. Or two. Sorry. I just mean, “Hi! Nice to see you!”)
You’re looking good!
(Wait, I don’t actually know how you’re looking, of course. That would involve an autopsy, and I am so not looking forward to that.)
What I mean is…..like…..you know? What I mean is this, more or less. Sorta.
Thanks for being more or less on top of things. Thanks for remembering the names of my kindergarten best friends, and the combination for the locker that I had in High School. In 1977. Seriously, thanks. That’s awesome.
Thanks for being able to remember key information like, I don’t know…..my address?
I mean, I know you can’t always quickly recall little things like, say, the exact reason why I walked into a room. Or, I don’t know…..what exactly it was that I was about to say when I blurted out the words, “Hey, guess what?!” But still, thanks for remembering where I live! The older I get, the more I appreciate these little gifts.
But, dear Brain, I have a favor to ask.
Once in a while, maybe after a 14 hour day for example….once in a while, do you think you could possible just switch off for a little while?
It would be so incredibly helpful if you could just flip the “off” switch once I get home. You know, just turn off the critical voices, click off the internal debates, stifle the mental monologue for a bit. Just so I can sleep for a few hours.
I mean no disrespect, Brain, seriously! I have only respect for anyone who can figure out how to cram 18 hours worth of curriculum into 6 hours of teaching time. I can only bow down to anyone who can calculate the exact cooking time for an oven full of lasagna, bread, baked brie and a chocolate cake. All at the same time.
Dear Brain, you’re one of my very best friends. I love ya, I really do!
But tonight, when I finally lie down to sleep, would you mind shutting the hell up for a while?
I love ya, and I’m sure that I’ll be incredibly happy to see you again in the morning. You know, when I am trying to remember the day’s schedule, check the weather and traffic on line, plan dinner, check email and record my blood pressure all at once. I mean, really. Where would I be without YOU at a moment like this?
But tonight, when every single inch of me hurts and when I can’t seem to shut my eyes and finally drift off to sleep, I am hoping and praying that you will see fit to shut it all down for a bit. Just let me drift away on a lovely swath of moonlight. Just get rid of all those voices and let this old lady get a decent night of sleep.
I promise that in the morning I will be all about that whole, “Whoah! Let’s figure something out” routine. In the meantime, though, shhhhhhh! Mum’s the word!
7 thoughts on “Dear Brain…..”
If brain insists on staying on, maybe it can just send some really fun dreams…
Yeah, you’d think…..but, no.
Brain sends me dreams about chasing vampires while desperately trying to teach long division.
This was brilliant.
I love how this is so relatable and entertaining. Everyone had those days when they just want some piece and quote, even from themselves. I’m sorry if you had a bad day, I’m sorry if it’s been long, but I’m glad you took the time to share with us this … Uh … letter.
To be honest though, I think it would be even harder to sleep without those voices and thoughts and debates in our head.
By the way, I don’t know if you’ve heard this before or not, but a tip to get to sleep faster is outlining everything tht happened in the day in your head, whenever you recognize your mind starting to wander pick back up from where you left off until you get to the end of your day. (Which usually never happens, because you’ll be asleep.) it works for me. If not, just look at sleeping people on google images 😉
Have a good one. Great post.
Thank you, my dear!
I haven’t heard the outline trick, but I’ll give it a try! Sleep eludes most women by the mid fifties, so its part of the territory. Just wish those voices would switch off and let me imagine some nice stormy waves or something!
I can’t explain this, but I’ve been sleeping better since I got an L. L. Bean Ultrasoft Cotton Comforter. I’ve even had nights when I sleep like a normal person! I noticed a difference the first night, and now I don’t dread getting into bed as much, I look forward to being all cozy and comfy under my comforter.
Seriously? What a great solution! Gonna look into getting one!
It’s just the weirdest thing, but it’s definitely working. I slept pretty well last night. And my nightly battles with my brain are epic…