Dear Brain,

Hi!

How are you?

(Wait! I don’t actually mean, like, “How are you” because that would imply that I think you aren’t great. Or maybe that I worry that you aren’t so great.  Or that I think maybe you’re kind of losing a step. Or two. Sorry.  I just mean, “Hi! Nice to see you!”)

You’re looking good!

(Wait, I don’t actually know how you’re looking, of course. That would involve an autopsy, and I am so not looking forward to that.)

What I mean is…..like…..you know?  What I mean is this, more or less. Sorta.

Hi, Brain!

Thanks for being more or less on top of things.  Thanks for remembering the names of my kindergarten best friends, and the combination for the locker that I had in High School.  In 1977. Seriously, thanks.  That’s awesome.

Thanks for being able to remember key information like, I don’t know…..my address? 

I mean, I know you can’t always quickly recall little things like, say, the exact reason why I walked into a room.  Or, I don’t know…..what exactly it was that I was about to say when I blurted out the words, “Hey, guess what?!”  But still, thanks for remembering where I live!  The older I get, the more I appreciate these little gifts.

But, dear Brain, I have a favor to ask.   

Once in a while, maybe after a 14 hour day for example….once in a while, do you think you could possible just switch off for a little while?          

It would be so incredibly helpful if you could just flip the “off” switch once I get home.  You know, just turn off the critical voices, click off the internal debates, stifle the mental monologue for a bit.  Just so I can sleep for a few hours.

I mean no disrespect, Brain, seriously!  I have only respect for anyone who can figure out how to cram 18 hours worth of curriculum into 6 hours of teaching time.  I can only bow down to anyone who can calculate the exact cooking time for an oven full of lasagna, bread, baked brie and a chocolate cake.  All at the same time.

Dear Brain, you’re one of my very best friends.  I love ya, I really do! 

But tonight, when I finally lie down to sleep, would you mind shutting the hell up for a while?

I love ya, and I’m sure that I’ll be incredibly happy to see you again in the morning. You know, when I am trying to remember the day’s schedule, check the weather and traffic on line, plan dinner, check email and record my blood pressure all at once.  I mean, really. Where would I be without YOU at a moment like this?  

But tonight, when every single inch of me hurts and when I can’t seem to shut my eyes and finally drift off to sleep, I am hoping and praying that you will see fit to shut it all down for a bit.  Just let me drift away on a lovely swath of moonlight.   Just get rid of all those voices and let this old lady get a decent night of sleep.

I promise that in the morning I will be all about that whole, “Whoah! Let’s figure something out” routine. In the meantime, though, shhhhhhh!  Mum’s the word!