Today was my daughter’s bridal shower.
It should have been a perfect day.
The weather was absolutely gorgeous. The sky was blue, the sun was warm and the breeze was fresh and clean. My slightly disorganized garden was blooming and bright, the color of the rhododendron blossoms nearly matching the wrapping paper from Bed, Bath and Beyond.
My beautiful girl was in her glory; gorgeous in a long yellow dress, she was basking in the attention of so many friends and relatives who love her. Her handsome almost husband was charming and smiling and full of fun as he introduced his family to hers.
It should have been a perfect day.
Everyone had fun. The food was abundant and delicious. The gifts were generous and incredibly thoughtful, and everyone was impressed with the wonderful start that our kids were given on married life.
Yes. It should have been perfect.
Eventually, the day came to a close, and the guests began to make their way to their cars. As usual when a big Italian party winds down, there were leftovers to disperse. And that was when the trouble began.
Oh, its not what you think. There were more than enough grilled sausages to send home for everyone, and more than enough rolls to hold them. There was enough pasta salad and potato salad and orzo salad to sink a small ship. There was leftover mac and cheese (Holy cheesy goodness, that Reverend can cook!), leftover baked beans, leftover cupcakes and pie and brownies and cookies.
It wasn’t a fight over the good stuff that made the day a less than perfect success.
No, my friends. It wasn’t any human issue that caused the day to end on a sour note. Nope.
It was the damn Tupperware. Or Rubbermaid. Or Snap N Go.
It was the desperate and impossible task of searching for matching containers and lids that almost made me toss a saucepan through a window.
There I was, trying to thank everyone, clean up the dining room and quickly pack up little batches of goodies to take home. I’d reach into the container drawer, grab a 3 in by 4 in rectangular container. I’d fill it up with potato salad and grab for a 3 in by 4 in rectangular lid. Oops. Nope. Wrong shape. This one has a slightly rounded corner. Reach back into the drawer, while attempting to chat with the relatives around me. Pull out another rectangular lid. Nope. This one has sharp corners.
I tried round Tupperwares with round Rubbermaid lids. Nope. I tried round Rubbermaids with round Tupperware lids. Nopienopenope. I eventually gave up, and tried to pack the goods into recycled yogurt containers.
Who knew that a Stonyfield Farm container wouldn’t be a good match with a Chobani lid?
I know that there are many issues in the world for us to be worried about right now. Violence and civil war in Iraq. The rapidly rising seas. The missing honeybees and monarch butterflies. Dick Cheney still getting airtime on national networks.
Still, if you ask me, the biggest problem facing the world today is the lack of uniformity in leftover container law.
If I am ever appointed as Queen of the World (What? It could happen.), the first thing that I would do is pass the “Every container has to match its lid” law. There would be ONE set of containers, and only ONE. Each lid would be marked with a symbol that would match it with its container partner.
Anyone who created a leftover container that did not follow these specifications would be thrown in jail for a thousand years. If he tried to escape, he would be fed to an angry alligator.
I. Am. Not. Kidding.
I know that we all fear and loathe big government, and we don’t want more regulation. But let me say this about that: You can take the government out of education, out of religious worship, out of marriage, out of health care. Whatevah. But it is definitely time for us to have leaders who are willing to take on the difficult question of container-lid misfitting.
The madness must stop.
A hard working middle class American woman should be able to throw her daughter a bridal shower without having to panic about the lack of a lid to fit on the containers of leftover home made baked beans with maple syrup.
Enough is enough. Fellow American women, we must act now.