Hoo, boy


I’m losing my ever loving mind.  I am.

I am the “MOB”, the “Mother of the Bride”,  and I am having a breakdown.  I actually did pretty well for the first eleven months of this engagement.  Honest!  I was very calm and collected.

Of course, that’s probably because my daughter is the “anti-bride”.  She is completely relaxed about the whole thing and couldn’t be less demanding.

Its a hippy wedding, for goodness sake!  The bride and groom met when they were arrested together with Occupy Wall Street.  We’re having the wedding at a farm that his family owns, under a rented tent, with tons of wine and beer and delicious catered barbecue. We’re going to dance and be silly.  The flowers are coming from a local farm stand. The bride is wearing green and the groom is wearing shorts.

So why, you may ask yourself, is the MOB having a freak out?  Well……….

Just because, I guess!

I have a beautiful embroidered linen outfit to wear, some pretty jewelry, some new sandals.  The music is set. I talked to the caterer to finalize the appetizers.  I talked to the farmer to finalize the flowers.

I’m getting a hair cut two days before the event, so I won’t be shaggy but the little pointy bits will have calmed down. I hope.  I even bought (gasp) new eye makeup!

Then I looked at my hands.

Holy hangnails.  What a mess!!

What should I do?!  Do I keep my hands behind my back all day?  Do I get a manicure? What the hell is a manicure, anyway? What would I have to do? What’s “gel”?  Would I be able to take it off after the wedding, or would I be compelled to go back every two weeks for the rest of my natural life?  What a commitment!!

If you think I’m being ridiculous….take a look at this.  This is the real me!  Holy God.

Jeez. What you you do to make her look presentable?

Jeez. What would you do to make her look presentable?

Sigh.  Good thing the bride is gorgeous………

27 thoughts on “Hoo, boy

  1. You’re entitled to have a freak out attack!! Part of the job. It sounds like a wonderful, perfect wedding. I hope my daughters choose something similarly amazing. Go for the manicure…anything that will make you feel special on the big day. 🙂 Congratulations!!

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  2. Gel sistah. My treat. Contact me and I’ll set you up. You can remove it the next week if you want and never think about it again. I’ve got ya. And it will be very understated. I promise.

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    • So you do use gel? I keep getting mixed info!! Weird! I just gotta cope with these bitten down, gardened into oblivion messes!
      I love you! Now get back to business and relax!

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  3. Voting for classic manicure, not gel. If you are okay going to Moodz in Acton, let me know and I’ll recommend manicurists for you!

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    • Thanks, Kathleen! I think I’m just going to rely on my local salon; been going there for years, I’m sure they can help (after they grown at the mess I’ve made of my hands!)

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  4. Manicure and if you bite them just pretend you play the violin. I remember my violin teacher had no fingernails beyond the pink part but her nails were very neat. It’s one of the reasons I gave up violin. It took me so long to stop biting my nails: I wasn’t going to voluntarily cut them off! Now, I dig in the dirt and chop them off when they break. Just don’t dig in the dirt without gloves before the wedding. You know how hard it is to get the ground in dirt out.

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  5. Fortunately (or unfortunately, since you’ll be going to great lengths to look you best), virtually no one will be looking at you. They’ll all be staring at the bride! And if you do something to mess up the manicure before the wedding, then just wear gloves. No, the white kind, not the rubber, dishwashing kind that stick to you thumbs.
    And even though this is your blog, what about the FOB? Has he panicked yet? Sooner or later it’s going to hit him that his little baby girl is about to stop looking at him as the “man in her life” If you get a chance, give him a little extra comfort. You’ll get it back in spades.
    Oh, and, BTW, good luck — we’ll all be rooting for you!

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    • Daddy Bear, you are so wise! I just said to the FOB, “no one is going to look at my nails!” And truly, neither of us is in a panic, but we are both pretty sentimental. Lots of “remember when” conversations going on here, for sure!
      Thanks for your good wishes. I just want to hurry up and have the big day get here already…..!

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  6. Definitely have a manicure. It’s your daughter’s wedding! And you can take the polish off right afterwards, and you don’t have to go back till the next wedding. I wouldn’t do gel, something like Ballet Slippers from Essie. And don’t do French — you don’t want to look like Michelle Bachmann.

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    • This is all too much for me! I”m just gonna stick with “natural earth mother broken” and call it done. No one will even notice, whereas, if I suddenly have perfect nails, everyone will notice!

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      • Forget the nails. You just don’t want garden dirt ground into your cuticles and calluses. A good manicure would/should take care of that problem. You don’t have to get fake nails and/or polish. As you say no one will notice. If they do, I doubt you will know or care.

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  7. I’m just a random person who doesn’t know you except for through your blog. I work with kids and dig in the dirt, like you. Decades ago my own wedding was approaching and my mother in law would not stop trying to get me to have a manicure . It the time, I worked with homeless people in NYC who collected cans and bottles on the street, and we would sort through their collections while we talked. I stubbornly refused (she’s since passed away, so I feel a twinge of guilt at not just caving to make her happy). For me I think it would feel so strange to have longer nails, that it would be a distraction for me, I would be aware of it all the time (and people commenting and noticing…..well that wouldn’t be my cup of tea either!) . Most women seem to feel differently about this issue, they genuinely feel more beautiful and confident with nails done.

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    • Ah, I’m so glad you posted! You’re giving me the confidence to be myself. I have had my nails done exactly once, for my brother’s wedding. I felt strangely like a witch the whole day, as if my nails were talons or something.
      The bride scoffed at the idea of a manicure, so I’m just going as myself! Thank you for giving me the boost I needed!

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  8. I’m not a nails person, but I do meet with clients a lot and have to be presentable.

    But I hate colored nails. So I have them even me up, clip the loose bits and buff my nails shiny. It is a non-polished but clean, presentable look. And you can’t chip anything …

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