I’m losing my ever loving mind. I am.
I am the “MOB”, the “Mother of the Bride”, and I am having a breakdown. I actually did pretty well for the first eleven months of this engagement. Honest! I was very calm and collected.
Of course, that’s probably because my daughter is the “anti-bride”. She is completely relaxed about the whole thing and couldn’t be less demanding.
Its a hippy wedding, for goodness sake! The bride and groom met when they were arrested together with Occupy Wall Street. We’re having the wedding at a farm that his family owns, under a rented tent, with tons of wine and beer and delicious catered barbecue. We’re going to dance and be silly. The flowers are coming from a local farm stand. The bride is wearing green and the groom is wearing shorts.
So why, you may ask yourself, is the MOB having a freak out? Well……….
Just because, I guess!
I have a beautiful embroidered linen outfit to wear, some pretty jewelry, some new sandals. The music is set. I talked to the caterer to finalize the appetizers. I talked to the farmer to finalize the flowers.
I’m getting a hair cut two days before the event, so I won’t be shaggy but the little pointy bits will have calmed down. I hope. I even bought (gasp) new eye makeup!
Then I looked at my hands.
Holy hangnails. What a mess!!
What should I do?! Do I keep my hands behind my back all day? Do I get a manicure? What the hell is a manicure, anyway? What would I have to do? What’s “gel”? Would I be able to take it off after the wedding, or would I be compelled to go back every two weeks for the rest of my natural life? What a commitment!!
If you think I’m being ridiculous….take a look at this. This is the real me! Holy God.
Sigh. Good thing the bride is gorgeous………