It is definitely time for me to update my image. Probably past time. But I’m not sure that I can do it.
Let me start by telling you a story.
About 15 years ago, when my Nana was in her 80’s, she told me that every morning she would wake up and her first thought would be, “Oh, good. I’m not dead.” Then she’d get up and walk to the bathroom. On her way there, she would have an image of herself in her mind. An image of her twenty year old self, bright and beautiful. She’d get to the mirror and have her second thought of the day. “Who the hell is the old lady in my bathroom?”
I’m starting to feel that way. In my own internal image, I look a lot like this:
Smooth skin, dark hair, big bright eyes that aren’t all wrapped in wrinkles. That’s the “me” that lives inside. I think I need to update her, because sometimes now the shock of the real me is hard to handle.
And I’m not as hale and hearty as I used to be; I don’t want to kill myself by having a heart attack when I look in the mirror to brush my teeth.
The teeth I have left.
I have spent 58 years thinking of myself as strong and healthy, too, and all that seems to be changing. A good friend once referred to me as “robust” as I bounced back from a tough pregnancy and delivery.
I like it!
I just don’t match it anymore. I mean, I’m lucky overall, and I have nothing dire to complain about. But you get to the point where you have to time your coffee so it doesn’t interfere with your prednisone and your inhaler, and you start to feel…..well, what’s the opposite of “robust”? You decide to take a nice long walk in the woods, and you realize that you’re going to end up with knee pain and neck pain and back pain, so you choose a short walk and a nice sit down on the deck instead.
So not robust.
I know my allergies will get better, and I know that I live a very active and happy life. I know I shouldn’t complain, blah, blah, blah.
But I hobble to the mirror, coughing all the way, and I wonder where that bright eyed, easy breathing girl went.
Way past time to update that internal image…….!