The Allure of the Bacon


547141_10150758018436101_1737503360_nI am a good dog.  I am a very good dog.

Usually.

I can usually resist the allure of human food.  Well, you know….except for ham. Or chicken parts.

But I am a very good dog!  Even though sometimes I quietly linger around the kitchen when my Mistress is cooking a chicken carcass for soup, I would never, ever stoop so low as to steal human food.

I am an incredibly good dog.

The trash may smell delicious and filled with chickeny goodness, but I would never dive in there to get a treat.

But…….

The Boy was home. The happy, smily, rubs-my-belly boy was home last night!   He slept at our house, and I greeted him with squeals of joy and delight.

I really love him.

I followed him around last night, before retiring to the bedroom where my Master and Mistress sleep.  I love our boy, but I know my duty.   I curled up next to the Mistress, but I could hear the boy breathing.

I love him.

See, after the Master and Mistress went to work this morning, the boy-who-loves-me-so got up and made himself some breakfast.

With bacon.

Dear god.  There was bacon.

He poured the grease onto a napkin, and then put the napkin into the trash.  I knew what he intended to tell me when he did these things.  He meant to say, “Sure, there’s plenty of bacon fat here for a good dog like you.”

I am an obedient dog.  I listen to my humans when they tell me things.   I follow instructions.

So this afternoon, after the wonderful boy threw all the bacon goodness into the trash and headed out, I knew what I had to do.

Yum.

I followed orders, as any dedicated good dog would do.

A few hours went by.  I was lying on the couch, sleeping off my bacon induced coma.  The day was fading, and the Beautiful Dope was getting restless.

He gets hungry, because he doesn’t know enough to follow implied orders.

He did not chew on any bacon-fat-soaked-napkins.  His whiskers were not greasy and fulfilled.

I lifted my head, and realized that the Mistress would be home soon.  I licked my lips and chin, tasting the porky delight.  “Aahhh, what a lovely day!”, I thought to myself.

And then I heard the garage door opening.  Mistress….greasy papers on floor…..smears of grossness on furniture…..

Red Alert!

I lifted my head, all thoughts of the generous and loving Boy chased away.   “Oh, no!”, I thought.  “I have raided the trash!  I have tossed chewed up paper all around the living room!”

I did what I had to do.

As the sound of the  slowly rising garage door  filled my ears, I dropped to my belly.  I thought quickly.  Where could I find the most humbling, depressing, apologetic place in the house?

With a sigh, I stuffed myself behind the oil burner, where the dirt and dust had collected for years, and where I could abase myself in the eyes of my Mistress.

I closed my eyes.  Yet even as I hoped  that she would ignore me, the taste of salty mapley bacon filled my mouth.

“Sadie?” I heard her call. “Where are you, pretty girl?”

I crawled from behind the furnace, making sure that my belly scraped the floor the whole way.  When I got to the feet of my Mistress, I rolled onto my back, lifting my paws into the air.

My Mistress is nobody’s fool. “Oh, crap”, she said as she eyed my efforts to show my subservience.   “Sadie……You ate some bacon today, didn’t you?”

What can I say?

I am a very, very good dog.  But bacon…….well, all bets are off where bacon is concerned.

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13 thoughts on “The Allure of the Bacon

  1. We have learned the hard way to take the trash OUT when there’s something TOO delectable to resist in it. Because they are all very good doggies, but there are some things that are too much for even the very best dogs.

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  2. I just love Sadie and Beautiful Dope! Years ago we had Tripper, a shepherd/collie mix. She was barely 6 weeks old when I rescued her before a neighbor was going to drown her. We fell in love with her. Instantly. Her name came as a result of this little rambunctious puppy always tripping us until we all got used to her.

    She, like Sadie, was a good dog. A really good dog. Tripper NEVER touched the trash. Never. Didn’t have to. She found she could reach tempting treats on the counter! Like our daughter Terri’s first meatloaf waiting to go into the oven. Must’ve eaten 1/3 of it. Raw. Or the cupcakes she sampled that we’re going to school for a birthday celebration. Frosted….paper and all. Then there were my husband’s heart pills that he spilled and Tripper reached first!

    I was slow to learn, but eventually things got put on top of refrigerator or in it! Tripper was devastated. Perhaps I should have left it all in the trash can. It would have gone untouched!

    Hope Sadie keeps writing! I read her stories to our current hairy kid, Murphy.

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    • Oh, Tripper sounds delightful! The Beautiful Dope used to get things off the counter, too. Until we untrained him by leaving paper cups of vinegar up there.
      Tell Murphy that the dogs are so happy that he likes their writing!

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  3. How weird is this? You used vinegar to discourage your dog from eating good tasting food, and I use vinegar in my pie crust to make it taste good! There’s a story in there someplace. 🐶

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  4. This was a great post…especially in light of the fact that I just came back from “doggy therapy” for my aging lab. Though quite the scamp herself, she has never shown much remorse when caught in the act. We love her dearly anyway. I am also a 58 year old empty nester and would love your permission to reprint this on my blog – yolonester.com.

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