Ellie

/ momshieb

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It was all so perfect.  So beautiful.

It has been the most exciting, scary, thrilling, exhausting, confusing, uplifting, life changing weekend of my life.

So how do I write about all that?  Where do I begin?

She’s here: Our granddaughter is here!

Two and a half weeks early, she made her appearance this past weekend, in the middle of our annual huge family reunion camping trip.

Yep. You got that right: her parents were camping when she decided to begin her journey into the world.  At the same campground were her grampa and about 50 other close relatives. All sound asleep after a wonderful evening of celebratory eating and drinking.  Her Nonni (me) was about fifteen minutes away in a nice dry, clean motel.

I can’t write it all down here; I am still too filled with bubbles of joy and shivers of nerves and a huge fog of fatigue.  I can’t write it all down.

But I can tell you this:

When I held her this afternoon, one day after her birth, I felt a wave of love as deep as that I feel for her Mom. Just as deep and just as sharp.  Baby Ellie, I would do anything in the world to keep you safe. I would die for you. I would give you my last bite of food, my last nickel, my very last breath.   My love for you is just as deep as my love for my own children.

But its wider. Its broader. It covers more of the terrain of my heart.  Baby Ellie, when I look at your perfect pink shell fingernails, I know that I am seeing my firstborn child in you.  I am seeing the only man I’ve ever loved, your Grampa.  I am seeing my mother, and my sisters and my brothers. I am seeing my Nana, and my MammaNonni and my cousins and my aunts and uncles.  When I look at your sweet silken eyebrows, I am seeing your Daddy, and his Daddy and his.  I am seeing all of the aunts and uncles and cousins that I have yet to meet.  My love for you is a giant circle, pulling in everyone who has given you a piece of what is now you.

Baby Ellie, my life will never ever be the same again.  You don’t know any of this yet.  All you know is that you are surprised to find that you suddenly have to actually work for food.  You only know that you recognize the sound of your parents voices, so you open those milky blue eyes whenever they speak.  You only know the feel of their skin, the comfort of their hands.  You don’t realize that just by being born, too early but at the perfect time, you have given the greatest gift to the people who love you.  You don’t understand that by arriving far from home, but in the most perfect and wonderful place, you have cemented your place in your family’s history and lore.

I can’t write down the details yet. Not yet. They are too fresh and too precious.  But these few things I do know, and will share.

You really can surprise yourself with how much love is being stored in your heart.

The human body is an amazing and gorgeous creation; birth is a perfectly synchronized dance between mother and child.

Twenty Nine years ago, although I didn’t realize it at the time, I gave birth to a goddess.

31 thoughts on “Ellie”

    • Thanks, Elyse! AT some point I will write up the humor version of the birth. It includes water breaking in the woods, late night frantic drives through the mountains, references to monkeys, religion and the curse of bipedalism, and a whole lot of other foolishness. On a serious note, what a HUGE gift my daughter and son-in-law have given me by letting be a part of the birth!

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    • Thank you!!! Yes, at 37 weeks, I had no worries that Kate would deliver. I assured her there was no risk. Hoo, boy! Best part: we absolutely love this place in the NH White Mountains, come here every year. It is so perfect that her birth happened up here!

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  5. I told you you’d feel this way! What an incredible story and marvelous way to make it into the world, surrounded by dozens of loved ones in a place everyone loves. Looking forward to more inspiring, uplifting tales as you and Ellie (love her name) connect and bond as Nonni and her baby grand! Congratulations and hugs to the whole family, especially Ellie, Kate and you, the world’s happiest, proudest new Nonni!

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  8. Loved this because it so expresses what I felt when Susanne Elizabeth was born. I didn’t know I had that kind of love, so different, in my heart ! Hope to see you both sometime this fall when her mommy goes back to school.

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  10. Congratulations to all of you!! This story will be good for decades! Can’t wait to read your blog when she meets your hairy kids for the first time.

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