This is not going to be a very deep or philosophical post. I put the picture of seashells in there just because they’re pretty, and if I don’t put a picture in my posts, it looks funny on Facebook.
I am very groggy. Not quite “new mom” groggy, but definitely “new grandmother” groggy. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything. I try to do things like pay my bills, but my brain won’t function normally.
All I can think about is our little Ellie. Her fingers. Her eyelashes. Her lips. Her sweet little round belly, that fits perfectly in my cupped palm.
I tried to do some errands yesterday, walking through the grocery store with my shopping list in hand. I walked out without half of what I needed. I forgot to buy the orange juice that I get every single week.
I looked at the people moving around me in the store, putting things in their cars in the lot, driving on the highway.
How could they be acting as if nothing had happened? It literally seemed unfathomable to me that the world could just be moving along in its normal path when for me, everything had changed.
And I was suddenly and sharply reminded of the weeks after my father’s death. I was in a daze, foggy and numb. I remember being in the same grocery store and feeling a spurt of anger at the people who were acting as if everything was just fine.
“Everything has changed!”, I wanted to scream at them. “Dad is gone! The universe will never be the same.”
I feel the same way now, almost.
Everything has changed. Ellie is here! The universe will never be the same.