It’s all just roiling around inside of me tonight. A big cauldron of emotional stew, just simmering along at an almost rolling boil.
I have met two incredibly endearing, loving, funny new friends in the past few days. They are here visiting us from Berlin, Germany. We met them by hosting their son for a few months in our house. What a surprise gift these two are to us! From the moment we met, via Skype, we have felt as if we are in the room with our dearest friends and soulmates. I know that sounds a little mushy and gooey and Hallmark card-ish, and that is all just so. not. me. But the thing is, it really truly IS that way. My heart is just sort of dancing around in my chest, doing a little Polka of Joy as I get to know Katja and Jörg and have a chance to share breakfasts, dog walks, beach trips, laughs and political philosophy with them. “Oh, OK!”, my heart is saying, “You just met, but these are definitely your eternally close friends!”
And at the same time, in the middle of this joyful beginning of a relationship, these are also the waning days in the life of our funny, strong, sweet brother-in-law, Ed, who has been living with Parkinson’s Disease for well over twenty years. We’re saying good bye, good luck, thank you to someone who has been there at all of our kids’ birthday parties, hockey games, football games, plays, graduations. He and my sister introduced our entire family to the joys of a winter vacation on St. Pete beach. He’s been right there in the center of our family life for over 25 years. But every life one day runs its course and comes to an end. For Ed, that time seems to have come.
And for his wife, my baby sister, I am feeling an overwhelming sense of awe and amazement at her strength and grace and humor over all the many years of her husband’s illness and decline. My little sister Lizzie is my hero. She’s my inspiration at those times when I want to moan and complain. She is my role model. I often joke that I am just “The stunt Lizzie.”, but that’s how I truly feel.
So my heart is full of equal measures of joy and sadness tonight, as I sit here typing up my thoughts at midnight.
Its a real stew of emotion for me tonight. Because on top of all of this yin and yang, I am also filled with worry for my beautiful little granddaughter, who has to undergo an MRI in only 7 hours. Please, my entire soul is begging: let her not feel too much hunger before the procedure. Please, dear God in Heaven, let her come through the sedation easily and quickly. And most of all, please please please, God, Allah, Goddess, Vishnu, Buddha or any other deity who can hear me, please let the MRI results be nothing for anyone to worry about.
I am steeped in a big black cauldron of emotional stew tonight. I can’t think of any other way to describe it.