Let’s take a brief time out……


I can't help it......

I can’t help it……

Sadie, aging far more gracefully that some of us.

…….I’m old.

Let’s just take a brief respite here, shall we?  We may be on the very brink of World War III.  Paris may be burning. The climate is wrecked, the Presidential candidates are a bunch of crazy assed ego maniacs.

I know.   The world is a mess.

But let me digress for just a moment, will you?

You see, in the midst of world crisis and the possible annihilation of humanity, I have a bigger problem.

My dogs are currently producing the kind of flatulence that can peel paint, etch glass, melt solid metal and cause human eyeballs to combust.

Holy methane.

It all started when Sadie began to decline and lost the muscles on her face. This was, of course, closely followed by Tucker having a bleeding mass on his spleen and needing emergency surgery.  Within a week, we went from being the parents of two healthy, hearty dog-food-eating mutts to the grieving parents of two dying little canine angels.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that both dogs came through their ordeals and have lived to poop another day.

But:

In order to reach their new levels of health, they have had to endure several trips to the Chinese Herbalist/Acupuncturist Vet.   This woman is like a young, gentle wizard. She looked at their tongues, felt their pulses, asked about their preferences, and put them on a regimen of Chinese herbs.

She also suggested that, if I really wanted my furry children to be healthy, I should cook for them.

So I do!  Home cooked chicken, rice, oatmeal, squash, carrots, liver, beef……The dogs are absolutely thriving!  Thick, shiny coats! Happy dispositions! Extra energy!

And farts that could clear a stadium in two minutes.

Paul and I have started to sleep in a room with two kind of air freshener, an open window no matter the temperature, scented lotion on our hands and faces…….  And yet we wake up every night from the gagging gaseousness of the doggie output.

What the hell.

If we shut the door and keep them out, they both wake us up by whining, scratching, yipping at our door.   If we let them in, we are doomed.

We have been feeding them probiotics, feeding them several small meals as opposed to one or two large ones, giving them yogurt, walking them before bed, washing their rear ends with scented soap…….

To no avail.

And here is what I have come to believe.

If the US Army could somehow manage to capture and then disperse this toxic smell, every terrorist in the world would curl up in a ball and scream “Bring me lavender!”

Sorry to end suddenly, but its time for me to smear on some Vicks under my nose, insert the nose plugs, and rub rose oil on my pillow.

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31 thoughts on “Let’s take a brief time out……

  1. Okay, you should know that my better half and myself have been involved with rescuing Bouvier des Flandres for almost thirty years. (If you’re not familiar with the breed, just imagine an overweight Giant Schnauzer with a really fluffy coat. No, wait, look it up on Google — otherwise I’ll get flames for saying that.)
    Anyway, amongst breeders, the dog with the worst and most frequent flatulence is the American Bulldog. Bouviers supposedly come in a close second. However, Bouviers are the only dogs I’ve ever seen get up and leave the room to escape the consequences of their own gas attack.
    So what I’m going to tell you comes from a long history of dealing with dog gas: nothing helps after the fact. When you can see the green cloud crawling across the floor, just run. Leave the baby, forget the bird, try to save yourself.
    That said, we have had really good luck with our most recent rescue (of 10 years). First we had the vet do an allergy test on him to see if anything he was eating was adding to the problem. It turned out that most of the ingredients in most of the dog foods were on his “allergy list”. It took awhile, but once we stopped feeding him stuff to which he was allergic (e.g., he can eat chicken but not beef, rice but not corn or any other grains), the smell problem went away. Except when we go too long without a bath, he doesn’t even smell doggish now.
    Warning: if you try this method and then think you can go back on a manufactured dog food, you will run into a problem. Not all dog food mfg’r put EVERYthing they use on their ingredient list. We discovered that the hard way…
    In any case, good luck!

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    • Thanks! I have to laugh; Sadie now farts so loudly that she runs from both the noise AND the smell! Both of our dogs have been tested for allergies, but neither has any that were able to find. I am trying to go to smaller meals, and more probiotics, but I think its just a question of age. However, they are also on a lot of herbal medicines, which have helped tremendously with health issues, but which my be contributing to the gasseousness.

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  2. I had this problem with two of my dogs. When I started feeding them lamb and rice commercial dog food, the problem stopped immediately. Ahhhhh. I also stopped giving them rich doggie treats such as jerky and the bacon-flavored treats. Now I occasionally give them a small portion of these treats with no repercussions.

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  3. OMG!! I can’t stop laughing. When I was a kid our dog Teddy developed killer gas as he aged. It would peel the wallpaper off. And like Daddy Bear said, Teddy would leave the area in hopes of finding a pocket of fresh air somewhere else in the house. Our eyes would water. We used a lot of Vicks too!!

    Wish I had a solution for you. You’re just gonna have to grin and bear it because you know they aren’t going to get any younger….and as hard as this is, it beats the alternative.

    And on the plus side, with all their health problems, Sadie and Tucker still provide you with your best blogs!

    Have you considered gas masks?!?! Just saying………

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh My! Laughing my ass off! My grandson (of the furry kind) is a three year old Boston Terrier with IBS….due to seasonal allergies they tell me….but he too, could clear a room and I find myself cooking for him…rice, oatmeal, chicken,, ground beef….but still, he can out fart a room of beer drinking, buffalo wing eating men! Sometimes he farts so loud that he wakes himself up! So…I can relate. So on the third Monday that I am out of work due to foot surgery with no place to go, little ability to get around, orders to “keep it elevated” and nothing to do but watch the depressing state of the world on the news, you made my day!

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      • I am fine, more aggravated than anything. I have had problems with tendonitis and bursitis in my right foot so I had surgery earlier in the month to correct it. All I can say is I hope it works. Still have stitches and an external pin that will hopefully be removed in a couple of days. It’s more of an inconvenience than anything else. I’ll be in a boot for several more weeks and of course it’s my right foot so I can’t drive!!!!

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  5. I guess we’re fortunate -cats don’t seem to share this particular characteristic with their furry cousins. Of course, as my sister-in-law says, ‘Cats puke.’ And stepping on that barefoot in the middle of the night is an experience. But it’s occasional and can be washed off. Your aromas, not so much. Thanks for the laugh today – I think everyone needed it. Jo

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