It’s not that I’m clumsy exactly….


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I know I’m not exactly the athletic type. I mean, sure I’m in shape.  (As long as “round” counts as a shape.)  And I am very active.  You know, cooking, chopping, stirring.

Chewing.

I admit that I am not your typical athlete.  I hate to sweat.   I am not quite coordinated enough to walk and chew gum at the same time without biting my tongue in half.

So maybe my middle name really should be “clumsy”. Still, I don’t see why I have to get hurt in such humiliating ways!

Really.  Do you know another middle aged woman who once fell off a flip-flop and broke her foot?  Yeah, me either.  Every other woman on earth can walk in flip flops all summer long.  But me? I put on a pair ONE time and walked on the wet grass with an arm full of fire wood.  Slipped, turned my foot, broke a bone.

Which I was too embarrassed to take to the doctor.  I walked on it for six weeks before I finally went for an X ray.  My doctor looked at me like I was an idiot.

And then there was the time when I choked on a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken while trying to answer the phone.  Yup.  Got a bone lodge in my throat so tight that I had to call 911, take an ambulance ride and have it removed under anesthesia.

I am not graceful.  I admit it.

I once tripped while vacuuming the stairs and dropped a giant canister vac on my face.  Got a concussion and ten stitches out of that one.

I’ve dropped firewood on my foot, stubbed my toe on a table and slammed my fingers in various doors.

I can accept ALL of those little boo-boos though.

Its the one I’m suffering from tonight that has me really red faced.

I spend every weekday taking care of my darling, beloved baby granddaughter.  The one who isn’t quite old enough to sit up one her own and therefore just loves to be held.  And I love holding her!   I love it so so much! More than anything on earth.

In fact, I love cuddling my Ellie so much that I hardly ever put her down.  Yesterday I held her in my left arm while I make a home made rustic pizza with my right arm.  And I held her in my left arm while we looked out the window at the birds in the yard.  I wanted to get a little exercise and expose Ellie to some good music at the same time, so after we finished with the pizza and the birds, I held her in my left arm while I played the soundtrack to Les Mis.  She absolutely had the time of her life as we danced around the house and I sang every word to every song! What a blast!

And I held her in my left arm while I put away dishes.  And while I vacuumed the floors.

And then I held her in my arms while she slept.

Yep.

I apparently put something called my “quadratus muscle” into a complete spasm, which caused me so much pain over night that I was up at 2 AM googling “kidney stone symptoms” and alternating ice, heat and oxycodone.

Today I held Ellie in my right arm as I slowly and carefully walked from the house to the car.

sigh.

I am not an athlete.

I’ve got the boo boos to prove it.

 

 

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7 thoughts on “It’s not that I’m clumsy exactly….

  1. I can’t compete with your colorful list of injuries nor do I have any desire to, but I am not at all surprised that you had some muscles go into spasm after carrying your granddaughter around all day. Seriously!? I couldn’t even do that when I was the mother although with four children there was frequently a baby slung on one hip or the other. Give yourself a break! (Your litany did give me a good chuckle.)

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    • I’m glad you chuckled; that was the idea!! Truthfully, I just think its hilarious when I go to a new doctor and ask “Have you been injured or hospitalized in the past few years?” and I think back on the chicken and the flip flop and the vacuum……
      Four kids! How did you do it? I had three, and I can’t believe I managed to juggle them all!

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  2. I had a left arm like that once. Infant seat repetitive injury. I love reading your posts and how honest you are. If it makes you feel better, I once bounce myself right out of the passenger side of a golf cart. While driving it. Putz. You go, girl!!

    Liked by 1 person

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