I am absolutely not a night owl. At all.

I’m also not really a morning person.

What I am, in my best days, is a “sleep late, take a nap, go to bed early” person.

But every once in a while I find myself awake and alert in the midnight hour. Tonight I went out to dinner and a show with my Mom, my sister and some friends. It was wonderful! Musical theater complete with adorable child actors, incredible voices and a gorgeous set. I don’t do this often enough.

We came out of the theater into a hot, steamy night that was lit by a hazy half moon. I said my good nights and hopped into my car for the very long ride home.

And I turned on NPR and heard about the latest horrific terrorist attack in France. I drove through the night, away from the city and home to my woods. I listened to the news and I worried and steamed and grieved and swore and ruminated.

So helpless. We all feel so helpless in the face of such blind hatred. We don’t know what to do.

I wound my way through the mists that rose from the hot and rainy roads. I followed the moon home.

And now I sit, in the midnight hour. Awake, alert, trying not to let my anger take me over.

In two short weeks, Paul and I will fly to Germany to visit our friends. Our very first trip to “the Continent.” Ordinarily, I’d be filled with anxiety about such a big trip, especially with all of the attacks going on.

But you know what?  This time I don’t give a damn. This time I am sitting in my steamy living room, in the middle of the night, watching that hazy moon set over the trees. I’m thinking about the world.

I’m thinking that I go to bed too early most nights. I miss the midnight hour.  I wake up too late; I usually miss the dawn. I live a life of calm in a quiet little town in the pine forest. I miss the wider world.

So I’m going to fly to Berlin to be with my friends. I’m going to see Germany. I’m going to eat in a big city restaurant and swim in the North Sea.

I’m going to stay up very late, and I’m going to look at the moon over Germany.

And I’m going to completely ignore those hate filled, bitter, angry people who think that they’ll find rescue or release in the deaths of innocents. I’m not letting them get in my mind.

I’m an independent, joyful woman. The clock just struck 1 AM, and I am still awake, still looking at that low lying yellow half moon.