I am, as you all must surely know by now, the Wolf King.
King. As in, most royal of all canines.
Wolf King. As in, mighty and most admired. He who must not be questioned.
I. Am. The. Freakin’. Wolf. King.
And if I decide that the very same stairs I have climbed for the past 12 years are suddenly too steep for me, I expect you to respect that.
If I, in my Kingly wisdom, suddenly notice that the shadows from the light at the top of the stairs makes the hallway look kind of spooky and creepy, you need to honor that observation.
OK. Sure. So I haven’t ever actually seen a scary movie. Still, Man Who Walks Me, I think you should cut me a little slack if I suddenly can NOT get my old bones up those stairs.
You should be calm. You should be patient.
Just because I have to bark once every three seconds for eight straight hours, you don’t have to get huffy.
I know, I know. You have come down the stairs 85 or 90 times to help me up. And I have backed away. Every time. While still woofing. Every three seconds.
Still. You must understand. My royal hindquarters are kinda shaky these days. And I don’t see very well. What looks like the top of the stairs to you looks like an attacking buffalo to me.
I do my best, Man Who Walks Me. I do!
I can’t help it if the sight of you offering me cheese and beef and doggie treats leaves me unmoved.
Those stairs are wicked steep.
I am the Wolf King.
But, wait? What is that sound?
At last. I hear the sound of Woman Who Feeds Me. She has arisen from the bed. Her hair is in that state of electrified glory that tells me she is not pleased. Her voice sounds stern.
Here she comes, down the long, dark, creepy stairs. She walks to where I stand, my regal head alert.
“Get the hell up the damn stairs,” she growls.
Suddenly, as if by magic. I can see the stairs in front of me. Well, lookit that! Same old stairs I’ve been climbing for my whole Wolf King life!
Thank you, Woman Who Feeds Me! Thank you!
I march calmly, with royal dignity, up the stairs.
Right past Man Who Walks Me.
He just doesn’t have that magic touch.