I weep.


Why on earth should someone in my situation find herself all teary eyed tonight?

Well. Part of it could be that I keep watching the stupid news. North Korea wants to kill us and they’re making plans to get it done. Puerto Rico, a place I have always wanted to visit, is desperate, dying, begging for help. The world is getting hotter every day, both in terms of the climate and in terms of the international relations.

And I miss my old dog. I miss my sweet, loud mouthed, running away old hound so much. And every morning when I bring my granddaughter Ellie into the house, her first comment is “Tucker died. Him all gone. Tucker died. I miss him.”

Me, too, little girl. Me, too.

I am weepy because the season is ending. Summer is slowly giving up her last heated blast of breath, and the leaves are slowly turning yellow and gold. Winter is out there, waiting for us. The year is dying. So my eyes fill with tears.

I cry because I am tired, too. Because I have spent the past few days with my best beloved grandchildren, and they have not been well. The baby is stuffy, coughing, cranky and wanting to be held. His usual bright eyed smiles are mixed with tears and head shaking and fits of coughing that remind me of my own little babies at his age.

And Ellie. Our Ellie. Last night she slept here, having a “Pajama party for Papa!” and snuggling into bed with Paul and I. She laughed, she chatted, she sang songs. And as she drifted off to sleep, her hand gently stroked my cheek. I heard her murmuring, “Oh, Nonni. My Nonni. This Ellie’s Nonni. I love you, Nonni!”

So my heart filled up, and it overflowed, and it keeps on running. She loves me. He loves me. Their Mama loves me.

But I didn’t get very much sleep last night. Or any today. So I’m feeling fragile. And weepy.

And my puppy Lennie, trying desperately right now to get me to play tug-o-war with his favorite chew toy? He loves me. And he reminds me of the one we lost. He misses Tucker, too.

So I’m weepy.

Tired, and really just “I sprung a leak” sloppy.

Life is good, for as long as it lasts.

I’m just feeling a little bit…I guess…well, I feel kind of weepy.

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We miss you, Tucky. 

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10 thoughts on “I weep.

  1. Just keep remembering that He really does love you and cares for you. He has given you the awesome loving heart. He has given you the wonderful grandchildren, the time with Tucky and the strong heart to say goodbye, He has given you courage to face the trials of each day and have the ability to weep. And He has given you the greatest gift of all – Himself. He is everything because he is LOVE. Someday you will be with Him and he will love on you. Just draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. Its a promise! His name is Jesus.

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  2. Karen, You are truly a wonderful writer. I felt every emotion you were describing/experiencing, and as if we were sitting together having a cup of coffee (well, tea for me.) You reminded me of how Autumn feels and what it brings, what is means. Even in your sorrow, your quiet place, you know you are surrounded with love, and the truth, the circle of life. Hugs.

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  3. Ahhh – I’m sorry. Sometimes you just need to cry a little to feel better. I love your tender description of your love for the littles. So precious. They are a light in a dark world. Fall is going to be awesome and fresh!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think I did a really bad job with that post; I was feeling weepy out of fatigue, love, a sense of blessings in my life and a bit of nostalgia. Not really grieving that day, just feeling tender…

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