One of the interesting parts of getting older, according to this aging Nonni, is gaining the ability to see the difference between reality and what people have perceived.
For example, I remember my childhood with so much warmth and love. My family was never, ever perfect (uh, we were humans, right?) but we did our best. My parents were first generation Americans with a strong Italian immigrant flavor. We grew up with pasta on Sundays, red wine in the glasses, lunches made of salami and provolone.
Our parents were dealing with all of the pressures of the 1950’s. Dad had served in the Army in WWII. Mom had grown up as the oldest child in an Italian immigrant family, and she gave up her dream of becoming an artist because that’s what women did in the 1950s. She got married. She gave birth to six of us. She raised us while my Dad worked days and studied at night.
We were unremarkable.
We were an American family in the years that followed the second great war. We were polite, we were respectful, we were good students.
We were NOT ever perfect.
The six of us learned how to push back against our parents when the Beatles hit these shores. We lobbied hard for long hair (the boys) and short skirts (the girls). We argued. We fought. We yelled at each other about the Vietnam War and the peace movement and the supposedly incomprehensible lyrics of rock songs.
But we were a unit. Six kids. Six attractive, healthy kids. Well loved by our parents, even when they drove us nuts.
And we loved each other.
I was a part of the “big kids” group. My older brother, me, my sister Liz. We were the first set of kids in the house. But we were followed, very closely, by the “little kids”. A baby brother, a sweet little sister, and another baby boy.
The “big kids” did our best to take care of the “little kids” as we all grew up in a middle class American family.
We were not perfect. We argued. We fought. We rebelled (although the big kids didn’t do it as well as the little kids). We did our best to take care of each other.
Life is never a straight line. Life is never the careful step-by-step that most of us hope we can achieve. Life is full of totally unexpected, out-of-left-field hits. All we can do is reach back into our pasts, into our lives, into our earliest selves, to make everything all right once again.
It doesn’t always work. But what else can we do?
I know that my family life has been 61 years of step-by-step. Sixty one years of trying my best to do my best. Trying to be the most loving and supportive family member I can be, while realizing that perfection is a myth.
Step by step.
We all do our best to be our best.
If we aren’t perfect, we are not to blame.
We’re only human after all.
2 thoughts on “Step By Step”
Oh, I can so relate to this, Karen! My parents were first generation born here Americans whose folks came from Greece, and we were also a large family. I was the oldest, and only girl, and I basically helped raise my younger brothers.
We learn, we grow, we do our very best. Are we perfect? Nobody is, but the important thing is, we try. And we love.
(And BTW, Mr. Zorba tells everyone that the film “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” was about us. A bit of an exaggeration, but he has a point.)
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We did our best. We didn’t want to be perfect…we just wanted to be enough.
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