I actually am thinking about writing a cookbook.
I need a source of additional income, and my only two reasonable skills are cooking and writing. Hence: a cookbook!
I know, I know. The market is absolutely flooded with cookbooks right now.
But MINE will be special.
You see, I have been experimenting with some truly unique recipes.
Here’s the backstory.
My grandson Johnny loves to eat. His nicknames include “Johnny Cheeks”, “Big Goomba” and “Johnny Pork Chop,” At a mere nine months old, the kid can chow down with the best of them.
Good for him, right? Nothing makes Nonni happier than feeding babies.
The thing is, he’s still an infant. He’s supposed to be getting his nutrition mostly from breast milk. His mother is a milk producer par excellence. Think Holstein and you get the picture. She has enough of nature’s perfect nutrition to feed a whole barnful of Johnnys. She wants him to have her milk. She says it’s the best possible food for him.
He doesn’t particularly agree. Maybe he doesn’t want to seem immature, you know? Or maybe once you taste meatballs there’s no going back. I’m not sure.
All I know is that my
boss daughter leaves me 8 ounces of fresh mother’s milk every day, and my job is to get it into the Goomba. I’ve tried his usual bottle, a sippy cup, a straw, a spoon, and a bottle with handles he can use to feed himself.
No dice. No matter what I try, he pushes it aside and reaches for the nearest ham sandwich.
So I have become an expert at hiding breast milk in everyday foods.
Oatmeal in the morning? Sure! We cool it off with breast milk. Pastina? Yup, breast milk goes in there, too. Scrambled eggs with spinach and breast milk? One of his faves.
I have even given him risotto with carrots, peas and chicken. Made with….you guessed it. Breast milk.
Can’t you just imagine how awesome my cookbook will be once I pull it all together? How unique, how different? How useful?
I’ll need super shiny, fancy photos to grace every page. I figure I know enough cute babies to pose them with my breastmilk and maple sugar pancakes. They can even give the testimonials for each dish.
Naturally, I’ll need to come up with chic hipster names for each recipe. I read “Bon Appetite.” I know how this works. You have to include at least one non-English word in each title, and it has to be served “with” something. All the new restaurants and cookbooks feature items like “Wild boar ragout with chanterelles and persimmon sauce.”
I have a few recipes already, and plan to spend the next three months perfecting others. Right up until the Pork Chop is fully weaned.
How do these sound to you? Delicious? Be honest. What do you think?
“Bananes frites with mother’s milk and fresh blueberry sauce.”
“Best of the Breast omelette with mushrooms.”
“No Cow Juice For You Fruit Shakes- a healthy mix of Mom’s pride and fresh fruit.”
“Pastina con latte materno.”
“Risotto a la Mamma Mia.”
I think it will catch on. I can’t wait to start working on desserts. Just think of the creamy custards!