I Am Officially Ridiculous


Oh, brother.

What a wuss. What a jerk. What a stupid, weepy old woman.

I can’t stop the tears.

Some of them are from the horrors going on at our border, but others are more personal. It’s the personal tears for which I am apologizing now.

As some of you know, I have the best job on earth. I live a life that most humans can only dream about.

I stay at home, all day, every day, with my two grandchildren. These kids are also known as the cutest, sweetest, funniest, most easy going babies on earth.

Seriously. These are the people I play with all day.

The world’s cutest kids, right?

So, what’s the problem?

Oh, boo-hoo, poor me. In one short week, I will be heading off to Europe with my husband. We will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. We’ll spend some time with our dear friends in Germany, then head into Italy. Our two sons and their partners will join us.

Heaven, right?

The Alps, the Mediterranean, the food, the wine, the music, the beaches, the desserts!!!!

Oh, sole mio! It will be (not kidding) the trip of a lifetime!!!! I am SO excited that I have already packed and repacked my suitcase three times! I’m ready! I am so. ready. to. go.

But.

(the sound of brakes screeching)

What do you mean, three weeks away from Ellie’s eyes? What do you even MEAN, three weeks without one single Johnny hug??? What if he takes his first steps? What if she forgets our morning ballet routine? What if when I get back they don’t even care?

Oh, this old Nonni is a nutcake. She knows it.

But.

I love my days with these goofy, happy, messy, exhausting little people. I can’t imagine surviving three long weeks without them.

Please tell me that I’m an idiot. Please remind me that the kids will be with their Mom and Dad, and this is how it’s supposed to be.

Tell me to shut up and get over it.

Remind me that I’ll be soaking up the sun and drinking great wine with the love of my life.

I’ll nod, and smile, and tell you that you’re right. Then I’ll no doubt sob a little and pull up pics of the kids on my phone.

Sigh.

I’m ridiculous.

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16 thoughts on “I Am Officially Ridiculous

  1. Enjoy every minute of your trip. You deserve it! You are always ‘in the moment’ with your grandchildren; next week, be ‘in the moment’ on your wonderful trip. Think of how much you will have to share with the children when you return. Bon voyage!

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  2. You will be fine. They will be fine. You love them, they love you, it’s time for a little break.
    That said, in a short time we are also taking off for Europe to visit J’s family in Spain, first seeing our friends in Madrid, then going North and heading for the country. The daughters, sons-in-law, and baby are coming. J’s Aunt is coming with us and we are meeting up with other relatives from CA and FL when we get there for the village fiesta and family reunion.
    But all Juan can do is worry about the dogs!
    That’s life. That’s love. And of course you’re going to miss the kids. How could you not? Do yourself a favor: when you are on your trip, having a great time with family and friends, enjoy it! Live in the moment! It is such a great opportunity! You don’t want to be a Debbie downer. The kids are probably having a blast too. And maybe another time, when E and J are older, you can take a trip with them too.

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    • Have a wonderful time!!! Sounds fabulous! I know I’ll have a great time, and have so much to look forward to! I just get anxious before travel, and it really is hard to “switch off” my care taker brain when I spend so much time with the kids!

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  3. It’s not ridiculous at all to think of missing these little people who are so interwoven with your life. Maybe pick up little momentoes for them as you go along your journey – pick and press some flowers, collect pretty beer mats, take photos of chocolate bars with weird names (Plop was the best one we found in Copenhagen). Then you can create a Nonnie journal/storybook about all your adventures. And who knows… spark a wanderlust in them for their grown up years xxx

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    • I love the idea of creating a book for them! Thank you!! I know I’ll be thinking of them so much. Yesterday my Ellie looked me right in the eye and said, “Why aren’t you bringing me on the plane?” So I told her, “Someday, you and I will go on a wonderful trip.” Nice to have that to look forward to!

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  4. It’s not ridiculous. You’ll see things and wish they were there to see it too. You’ll take so many great pictures to show them what you saw. Oh what great stories you’ll share when you get home.

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  5. I feel your conflicted pain, Karen. When we moved from Acton to Maine five years ago, we knew it was the right thing to do. Yet, it was an adjustment for the kiddos who were so used to spending a lot of time at our house. But we all survived and the frequent visits and regular summer sleepovers at Camp Grammy helped. Alas, that will change this summer as the grand-kiddos (now 14, 12 and 10) won’t be spending quality time at Camp Grammy, baking cookies, swimming, doing art projects and playing in the yard and at the beach. They are heading off to camp at Cardigan Mountain School — and while I know the experience will be wonderful for them, I’ll miss having them here so much. Lucky you (just like lucky me), you have created a strong bond with them when they are little. It will last through their (and your) lives, no matter where you or they go. So enjoy your trip, gather souvenirs, drink the wine, eat the pasta and desserts and make a special book for the kiddos when you return. And plan that trip with Ellie when she’s old enough to carry her suitcase – and yours. Truly something to look forward to.

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    • Nancye, I remember when you moved, because Molly and Claire used to spend time in my classroom after school (heather was my neighbor!) and Molly was complaining about it while Claire kept saying, “It will be fun!” And I’ll never forget the time in my classroom when Jack called me, “Grammy” and then turned bright red! One of the best compliments of my life, and I told him so (which meant that the whole class called me Grammy for the next week!) Thanks for showing my how all of this is done with grace and humor!

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