When I had my kids, many years ago, I didn’t have the chance to be a “stay at home Mom.” I had to work. I had to leave them with babysitters or day care staff. Finances and insurance needs made this true.
But back then, I often thought that I would have loved to stay at home. I imagined the art projects, the cookies baking, the stories being read by the fire. It all seemed so idyllic to me.
I was wracked with guilt about leaving my best beloved little ones in the care of other women. I will never forget the time that my little son, barely able to speak, walked through our house on a Saturday, opening closet doors and calling for his sweet day care Momma. “Nella?” He sounded so sad as he opened every door in our house, looking for the woman who cared for him every day. “Nella?”
My heart broke into a zillion pieces, and if I hadn’t known and loved his Nella, I might have strangled her.
Now, at last, after decades as a working woman, now I am that stay at home woman. I am “Nella” to my grandkids and one of their friends.
They love me.
We have fun here. It is a safe, interesting, creative place.
Wahoo.
And now, at last, after all these years, I understand why so many stay at home moms of my generation wanted nothing more than to break out and see the real world.
Staying in the same house, the same four rooms, day after day after day after day, serving the same snacks, watching the same movies, playing the same games…….
All of this is incredibly important and supportive for young children.
But it is also incredibly mind numbing for the adults involved.
OK, I know that I am lucky. As in, unbelievably, incredibly blessed to be there every day in the lives of the children I love most on this beautiful earth.
I get it. Yay, me! Yay, Nonni! Go, me!
I go on Amazon at least ten times a week, ordering movies, books, crayons, pains, dress up clothes and musical instruments. I am so happy to be with the kids every day.
Really.
But.
You know what? There are definitely days where I look at myself in the mirror and think, “No one has actually looked at me today. I could dye my hair purple, grow a beard, get myself a new nose: Nobody would notice.”
There are days when I realize that I am the giver of string cheese. The wiper of poopy butts. The finder of lost toys.
There are days when I honestly feel like I could be replaced by a nice soft robot.
And this is why I am now the strongest supporter of young parents. Moms, Dads, working or staying at home. These young adults are doing the work that is most important for the survival of our entire species. They are keeping children clean, fed, safe, entertained and engaged.
They are creating the next generations of humans who will keep our species going.
So I am happy to be a part of this most important job. I am.
But I am also acutely aware that there are days when I have not done one single thing that uses my training, my intellectual skills, my knowledge. There are days when the most important thing I have done all day is to put an “Elsa” bandage on a scraped knee.
As I look back on my life, I guess I have to say this. I’m very happy that when I was a young, untested, untried, unproven human, I was not called upon to be a stay at home mom.
Young parents: You have my utmost respect, support and love.
Go, you! Whether you work outside of the home, or stay at home with your kids, YOU are our future. You are the best of all of us.
I bow down to every single one of you.
Empty Nest, Full Life 
Well said – it’s an important job, but don’t dye your hair purple.
no, no, no.
Green is in. Dye it green, bright fluorescent green. The kids will love it.
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Hmmmmmmm. Maybe for St. Patrick’s Day!!!
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this was beautiful I went to vocational college and worked before I had kids and now I stay home with them i completely felt the line where you said you didn’t use not one intellectual thing today lol,
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How lucky you and your kids are that you can be home!! How many do you have? And isn’t it the most mixed of blessings….Sometimes I’m with friends are talk about their professional lives, and all I can think about is the box of new crayons I bought us…
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Hahahha yes! I get excited over the little things that will make my kids happy and It only bring them joy for like 5 minutes, my kids are 2 and 4 😁
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And I’m home with a 1 1/2 and a 3 1/2. We should have virtual coffee…..!
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Lol anytime
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Exactly! Being a parent is tough work, whether you stay at home, work part time or work full-time. It really bothers me to see so many moms judging those who make different choices, implying that those others “have it easy.” There is no easy! There is just the difficult, but so very important job of raising our children to be well-adjusted, happy and giving adults!
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Perfectly stated, Ann!
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Grow a beard, eh? We demand pics! 😉
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Um….working on it….
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Wonderful article! I can’t say how many times I had the same thoughts, “I barely exist right now, without abutt to wipe or counter to clean off, meal to prep – I am useless.”, love your writing, glad you have the time with the babes and I look forward to being a Granny someday. I think the only other downside is having people say “Why don’t you get a job?” when little financial bumps in the road make our little family swerve from stability a little. My man quickly reminds me before I get self-conscience that I have a very hard job and it is the only job that doesn’t pay but gives our child everything all at the same time.
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You have the most important job on earth. From the vantage point of age, I see that even more clearly than I did when I was young. You little one sees you as the sun, the moon and the stars. You are the center of the universe. Nothing is better than that! Meanwhile, keep telling yourself that it will end! YOU will be back, I promise!!!!
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❤ oh that is a beautiful reply. Thank you.
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This is a beautiful post! How wonderful you get to stay home with your grandbabies. I just had my first little one and am planning on going back to work two days a week this summer. It’s tough!
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It is!!! Congratulations on your new baby, and on your new role as the most important person in the universe to your little one! Just remember: it’s good for kids to see that Mom’s have jobs, careers, strength, power, value. Having put all three of my kids in various daycare/babysitting/preschool settings, I constantly worried that I was hurting them. The truth? It hurt me a little, but gave them wonderful friendships and experiences. I am so so blessed to be able to have my stay at home time now!! Good luck this summer!
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