I’ve Been Preparing For This Moment My Whole Life


The world is going to hell in a germ-infested handbasket, but Nonni will not dispair.

Nope, not I.

You see, I have been preparing for this terrible global emergency for years. And when I say years, I mean decades.

First of all, Mother Nature was smart enough to gift me with a well developed sense of anxiety. Some have even referred to me as “neurotic.” In the past, this was seen as a defect, but now? Not so much.

Remember the fear that swept the globe as we moved from the 1900s to the 2000s? The so-called Y2K glitch was supposed to impact every computer on earth. We were told that it would shut down the markets, the banks, the food supply, the electric grid.

This Italian Mamma took the threat seriously. That was when I put together my emergency supply shelf. And stocked it with a few little items like 24 boxes of pasta, 3 big bags of rice and enough canned and dried beans to open my own Mexican restaurant. And tomatoes, of course. And lentils!

So when the Coronavirus hit us, I didn’t have to run out and empty the store. I’ve been hoarding for years! I can feed my family for at least a couple of months with just what I have in my kitchen.

I also had the foresight, right after the 2016 election, to expect the collapse of civilization as we know it. That was when I started to gather up extra items that might be needed if a) the North Koreans attacked us or b) Trump got pissed off and turned off all the lights.

Naturally, this means that we have lots of batteries (rechargeable and regular). We have a solar battery charger, a solar radio, a solar lantern, and even both gas and solar generators.

And light sticks, just in case it’s cloudy.

Oh, and I should mention the bleach. Somehow, every time I’ve watched the news since the 2016 vote, I have felt the need to have extra bleach around.

No need for this neurotic old woman to fight over hand sanitizer. Nope. I have enough stuff right on my shelf!

Finally, in this time of unprecedented crisis, we are faced with hours and hours, days and days, possibly weeks or months stuck in our own homes with only our family members for company.

After we’ve re-read our books, colored in all those crazy adult coloring books and beat our husbands at card games, the boredom will surely set it.

We might find ourselves binge watching “Outbreak” or “Pandemic”. People will be overwhelmed with a feeling of uselessness and depression.

Except for me!

Because once again, I planned ahead.

Unlike some people I could name (Mom, sisters Liz and Mary…..) my house could use, shall we say, a little bit of organizing.

Take my kitchen cabinets, for example. Oh, sure, my silverware drawer is organized; I’m not the kind of woman who lets the spoons carry on with the forks.

But I do have an area under my sink that could be declared a federal waste site. What with all the rubber gloves, bleach, vinegar, and eye protection, I can spend a day or six cleaning that place out. I might even find that lost bottle of Scotch.

Or an old sneaker.

And there is one cabinet in here that contains everything from cheese cloth to broken corkscrews. It’s that place where we put the stuff that doesn’t already have a place. You know, like shoelaces, a waffle iron and extra spatulas.

So you see, what once seemed like weaknesses (neurosis, disorganization, anxiety) have turned into Nonni’s superpowers!

When this whole terrible ordeal is finally over, you can feel comfortable coming to my house for a delicious dinner of lentil soup, served in a clean, organized house.

There. Don’t you feel better now?

12 thoughts on “I’ve Been Preparing For This Moment My Whole Life

  1. I long for the ability to both be less organized than I normally am, and the financial status to have a huge home for all that disorganization.
    My one bedroom apartment leaves me nothing to de-clutter, sort, or even repack, and I refuse to dust over and over again. I hate dusting… and cleaning floors!
    I hope you and the family remain well.

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      • I have been telling everyone about your blog. I hope you really aren’t scared. You have given me so much strength. I am usually good at a big emergency type things I’m good with blood and death and stuff like that. This is new for me, but I”m doing okay. staying inside reminding everyone I love to stay inside. That’s all I can do, and breath.

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      • I am so happy that my foolishness is helping you! I’m not honestly scared, not for my health (I’m 64, but healthy) or for my sons. I AM very very anxious for my daughter. Her baby is due any day, and our local hospital is now dealing with a few Covid cases. I just want her and the baby safe at home! Stay well, new friend!

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  2. Last night my husband was staring at our pantry shelves(a rickety old wooden shelf by the freezer in the basement). He was looking for cake mix to make me a belated birthday cake. I told him to check the expiration dates as a way to narrow the choices. I was pretty sure there would be one out of date. There was, last November. So,…if you started collecting supplies for the computer date crisis… I think I have a few cans that might compete. Pasta, no. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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