Dear Readers,

Please, please help me! I am in a desperate situation. Desperate, I tell ya. DESPERATE.

I don’t know what to do, or where to turn.  I can’t take it any more, and things are looking very very grim.

Please help me.

I must find a way to rid myself of the most dreaded ear worm in the history of hearing.

Here is my sad, sad story.

I am, you see, the caregiver and loving Nonni of a three year old girl. This means that I spend a lot of time brushing hair, making cookies, hugging, blah, blah, blah.

But here’s the problem: I spend WAYYYYYYY more time acting out the part of either Elsa or Anna from the Disney blockbuster “Frozen”.  You know the one I mean. The one with all the lovely visual images, the sweet story of true love between sisters, the adorable reindeer, and all that other crap.

You know this story.

It’s the one with the epic song “Let It Go!” Which ranks right up there in the pantheon of brain stickiness with “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman?” ‘

After roughly 12 straight weeks of watching “Frozen” every damn day, I am now about 4 seconds away from complete insanity.

Here, dear sympathetic readers, is a typical day in the life of Anna/Nonni:

Wake up at midnight from a little back pain. “Mmmm….comfy position….mmmmmm….”Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back any more-or-or….” NOOOOOOOO!!!! Eyes snap open, heart rate increases…..”NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Clamp eyes shut, start internal singing of the alto parts in Handel’s Messiah….fall asleep……                                              Wake up at 6 AM. “H’m….today is Monday, so today we need to…’Let it go!!!! Let it go!!!!!!”  Roll over, shove pillow over head and into left ear…moan pitifully…Begin to sing “Born to Run” right out loud. Take shower while singing “Tenth Avenue Freeze Out” at the top of my lungs…..step out of shower…..”Do you wanna build a snowman????”

This goes on All. Day. 

These songs are relentless. They have embedded themselves into my auditory system, where they are slowly chomping their way toward my cortex. They plan to overpower me. I feel it.

I feel the advance of the Frozen Earworm. I feel it! It’s coming for my soul!!! I don’t know where to turn!!!

But today, at last, I thought I might get a brief reprieve.

Today was the first day of our big bathroom renovation, and the house was full of big burly men with muscles and baseball caps and huge Dunkin Donuts coffee cups. 

“Huh”, I thought to myself. “They will probably have a radio! It will probably be playing old Bon Jovi songs.”  I smiled a little. I felt safe. These were obviously NOT Disney Princess types.

I let the men in with a sigh of relief, and got ready for the kids to arrive.

When Ellie and Johnny came in for the day, I introduced them to the big, manly builder people. I felt so….protected…you know?  All was well. I felt almost smug in my sense of safety.

After breakfast, Ellie naturally asked to put on her blue Elsa dress and wanted to watch ‘the movie’. “Sure!” I said happily. “I’ll put it on!”

I still assumed that the manly men would be playing classic rock songs to  scrub Disney right outta my cerebral neurons.

Hahahahahaha.

I’m an idiot.

Because here’s what actually happened.

Movie starts. Ellie begins to dance around in her blue Elsa dress, belting out the lyrics to every song.

Burly man #1: “Oh, so cute! Look at her! I have a six year old daughter and she loves this movie!”

Bulky muscle man #2: “I have two daughters! One is 13 and one is 11. Oh, I miss the days when they used to dance around in their Elsa dresses!” This one started to hum along with the music. I started to hyperventilate.

Manly worker dude #3: ” I have five kids! But only one daughter. This music really grabs you, doesn’t it?”

I was horrified. I felt so betrayed!

The music played. My earworm dug in even deeper. I am pretty sure I started to twitch.

I tried to relax. I started to hum Barley, by Birds of Chicago. I hummed really really loud. I stuck a finger in each ear and hummed some more. 

When my heart rate returned to normal, I slowly withdrew my shaking fingers.

And this is what I heard, in three part dissonance from the men tearing apart my bathroom:

“Let the storm rage onnnnnn!!!!! The cold never bothered me anyway!!!!!”

You can’t count on anyone any more.

Please help.

I am desperate. 

And for the record, the cold ALWAYS bugs the hell out of me!!!!!