Why the Media Reminds Me of My Puppy

I love my puppy Lennie. He is sweet, energetic, full of love. He is cute. He’s silly. My granddaughter even said to me this week, “You need a new Lennie. This one is crazy!”

I mean, the nutty little fool chases his own tail every time he gets excited! That’s pretty crazy.

My sweet little canine buddy is also…how shall I put this?….Um…

Welp. He’s as dumb as a rock.

How do I know this?

I know it because sometimes I want to get him down into the backyard so that I can close the gate and keep him away from the slider doors while I’m having company. When I need to move my happy, loopy, goofy little guy out of the way, I step out onto the deck and pretend to throw a ball into the yard. I yell, with great excitement, “Go get it, boy!!!!”

And my darling dopie head runs down the stairs and chases….nothing.

See why this dumb-de-dumb-dumb behavior makes me think of the media?

You don’t???

Well. Think about this. North Korea has tested the most dangerous weapon in the past 50 years. The Special Prosecutor is closing in on our President. The Secretary of State is about to be fired.

And what’s going on?

The President spends his time tweeting out pure unadulterated bullshit. He actually retweeted several posts from the British version of the KKK. Videos that are fake. Videos that are ugly. Videos that only the most ignorant knuckle draggers among us would watch. Videos that try to convince us that all Muslims are dangerous criminals.

And what happened?

The media raced down the steps after the big old fake bone. They’re covering it in detail, giving it all kind of legitimacy that it doesn’t deserve.

The media isn’t talking about the mega rocket aimed at our hearts. It isn’t talking about the horrendous tax “reform” package that will make the rich even richer.

Nope. The media, lead by CNN, is chasing its tail all around the muddy backyard. Barking at the idiocy of those stupid, ignorant, pointless videos.


This is why the media in our country, at this insane moment in time, reminds me of my beloved but not very bright little dog.

Scary, right?


I have learned, over the years, that I am a supremely auditory person.  I learn almost exclusively through the auditory channel.  I worked for more than 25 years as a Speech/Language Pathologist, which honed those auditory skills to an even higher degree.

My auditory tendencies make for some interesting situations, I must say. For example, when my class is working on geometry, or tangrams or tesselations, I am often left with my mouth open and a blank expression on my face while one of the ten year olds explains the math to the rest of the class. This is visual learning!  I am, alas, completely flummoxed.

As a hearing based learner, I have a tendency to remember people by their speech, rather than their names.  I can’t tell you how many times I have run into someone on the street or at the grocery store and had one of those complete blank-outs about their name, while at the same time clearly picturing the pitch, cadence and pronunciation of something that I heard them say.  I can remember how someone laughs long after I remember the color of their eyes. I can name the actor in any voice-over within 5 seconds of hearing the voice.

When I was in High School and touch tone phone replaced rotaries, I could remember the tune of my friends’ phone numbers even when the numbers escaped me.  Weird, I know. I am a listener!

I am so completely auditory that I have been known to fall in love with the sound of a singer’s voice, only to be crushed once I see his face (think Eddie Vedder).  I love the sound of wonderful voices!

I am, no surprise, a devoted radio listener.  My XM radio is often tuned to either NPR or the political station POTUS.  Every morning as I commute to work, I listen to Tim Farley on POTUS.  His voice is measured, mellow, calm and resonant. His pronunciation is perfect.  He makes me laugh and he makes me think. I have a little crush going on!   I don’t know his age, his political preferences or his eye color. I just know that when I hear his voice, I tune right in and start to listening.

So I react with some trepidation when I hear that one of my favorite “voices” will be seen on TV. Today I found out that Tim was being broadcast on BBC TV. My reaction?  “Oh, no! I don’t want to know!”  I want to think of Tim Farley as handsome, smiling, dimpled, fit and relatively young (you know, like, my age).  I shudder to think that he might be bald or fat or have a huge honker of a nose.

I feel the same way about the people whose work I read on line or in the print press.  I love the sound of certain writers! I love the rhythm and tone of their words and thoughts.  I want to believe that Barbara Kingsolver is tall and strong and has thick golden hair. I don’t know why; its just how I see her and I want her to look that way!  I want to think that Suzanne Collins looks a lot like Katniss Everdeen.  She sounds like Katniss, she should look like her!

In the age of the internet, when we can Google everyone on earth, we can see the face of every voice we encounter.  I know that some people immediately look up the picture of anyone they find interesting on the radio or in the print press. Not me!

Let me keep my illusions. Let me hold on to my romantic ideals and my beautiful images.  The connection between the voice and the ear is an intimate one; as I drive along in the early morning half light, I feel as if those voices are speaking or singing to me, and me alone.  We share something special and precious in our anonymous exchange.   I know that the Voice is speaking to an idealized “someone” out there, and I know that there is no chance for me to disappoint. And I hold the image of the “golden voice” in my head and in my heart.

I don’t want to know if he has warts.